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On many counts, I am exceptionally pleased that I have a Type A personality.

People with Type A personalities are known to be go-getters, and are seriously driven for success. Unfortunately, they can also come across as being highly-competitive – although it is an apparent necessity in today’s fast-paced world. They have extremely high tolerances for stress and pressure, which puts them one leg up above the rest because they are able to press on much longer.

But, it is also no secret that Type A people can end up being highly unhappy people (since they are very rarely satisfied). Plus, although it may seem at first that Type A people are pretty invincible against crumbling under stress and pressure – when they eventually do give in, they fall. Very hard.

The first time I discovered I have a Type A personality was way back in 2005. However, I did another online quiz out of curiosity and that seems to have changed.

Type A Personality test – my results.

Now, I am somewhere in the middle – or so the above quiz says. But I do see many signs of the Type A personality I’ve mentioned so much about manifesting like whoa on a day to day basis, particularly the past three weeks.

Most dominant is my attitude towards work. I set expectations on what I want to accomplish and complete by the end of each day, and I do everything within my means to meet those expectations, or even exceed them if possible. Assuming that I sought to complete tasks A, B and C by the end of the day, completing what I had set out to do puts my mind at ease – although I am largely indifferent or just a little bit happy. Doing all that, including tasks D and E will give me inexplicable pleasure.

But.

If I complete only tasks A and B and miss out C, I torture myself mentally. Not consciously, though – it happens without me realizing it. But seriously, dude – when I bash myself up mentally, I really mean a good, solid mental bashing.

It doesn’t help that I also have generally high expectations about myself on top of work. So, if I happen to miss the mark on any particular day, hoo boy! It doesn’t matter about environmental factors, or if anything major had happened in recent days that caused me to miss the mark. If I miss the mark, I miss the mark. (And generally, I pretty much pride myself in being able to get things done despite it all.)

Recently, I am falling short of my own expectations way too much. I have leftover tasks at the end of quite a number of days which accumulates, leaving my to-do list seemingly never-ending. I admit, loads of stuff have been happening lately (mostly health-related), but I don’t like to use it as a reason and pretty much chucked it out of the window as an excuse.

As a result, I’ve been mentally bashing myself up like crazy. Feeling as if I’m letting other people down only forms part of the reason. The most part is because I disappointed myself.

It’s damn bloody unhealthy, I know. But it’s difficult to stop.

My mind has been trained to think this way for the longest time, and old habits die hard.

It is amazing how I allow me to feel so bad about myself even without even receiving a telling-to. (And I know at this point, most of my closest friends who are reading this will be nodding their heads in agreement.)

If the above sounds seriously wacko to you and you are a Type-A personality, then I must say something is seriously wrong (with me, that is). If you have ways on preventing your Type-A alter-ego from taking you over, please share … because I think I seriously need it at the moment!

Damn, I never did realize how much I could actually miss her.

Prof walked into the office yesterday. (I work in a business facility in the basement of my alma mater’s campus.)

I heard her before I actually got to see her (because she and my co-worker boss – also an ex-student – exchanged greetings). I whirled around upon hearing that all too familiar voice, and it took me about five seconds before I actually recognized her.

Gosh, does she look different!

It’s about a year since I took her course in my final semester. She taught Asia Pacific Business, which concentrates on the latest business developments and trends in Asia – in particular, the recent boom in integrated resorts in Macau and Singapore. A really tough course, but rather interesting.

Demanding as she was, I do sense a fair amount of motherly-like love and concern from her. Especially during the 4 day, 3 night class trip to Macau when my heart condition acted up suddenly and I had to be flown back to Singapore as a precautionary measure. Troublesome as it was, she always ensured that there was someone with me. Plus, she constantly asked me how I was feeling, which was really appreciated.

I can still vividly recall having to sign a pseudo-indemnity ‘form’ upon my departure back to Singapore. (I flew back on my own eventually because I didn’t wanted to trouble the TAs or her.)

There was no actual indemnity form for such a case, so she had a hand-write one on the spot. In the middle of the streets of Macau no less, while the TAs and myself stood around and laughed at the situation.

Even after the final exams ended, she met my project group members and myself for a one-hour long chat where she asked us about our future plans, and even invited us to join her on the subsequent BSMs she was organizing.

I haven’t seen her since then … until yesterday.

She is still as open as she used to be – always available to hang out with her students and talk nineteen to the dozen. She stood around our (my co-worker boss and me) cubicles and chatted with us for almost fifteen minutes, updating us on her recent happenings and asking us about ours. Prior to her departure, she invited us for lunch one day so that we could all catch up.

It felt like last year all over again. A strange, warm and fuzzy feeling … minus the project deadlines and stress.

Strangely, I don’t recall the rest of my coursemates feeling the same way as I do about Prof. During that semester, it was complaints galore – from gender bias, students not knowing her requirements, occasionally contradicting herself, tough projects and yadda yadda.

I admit, I was one of those students who went along with the ‘not knowing her requirements’ complaint, because she does have pretty high expectations which she doesn’t really communicate fully. (Which come to think of it – is good for us. It challenges us to do the best we can since after all, we won’t be spoon-fed once we leave school to work, don’t we?)

During that semester, I remembered deeming Asia Pacific Business as one of my most ‘dangerous’ courses because my grades could swing anywhere. I can work my arse off on a project and still get less than a ‘B’. Frustrating as the grades aspect was, I cannot deny that it was one of the more interesting courses I’ve taken.

Since graduating, I kind of missed her.

Well, it’s kind of easy when you’re no longer a student – people would say. But even as a student in her course back then, my impressions of her were at least neutral.

She is a professor that is extremely passionate when she speaks, and you can tell she really knows her stuff. It helped a lot that she organized loads of industry talks, which wasn’t easy as it required loads of logistics and um, persuasion. (It takes a lot to get the CEO of some bigshot company to come down to speak to a bunch of students!)

Yet, she managed to pull it off. Unfortunately, without much credit from her students. But still.

Not to mention the logistics for the field trip – ensuring all the students got their flights, booking of hotel rooms, arranging tours and talks with the various integrated resorts in Macau. That, on top of her attempts at psyching the students up for the trip in the weeks preceding it.

Plus, I miss how she addresses her students as ‘peeps’ and ‘folks’ during class time.

Kudos to the (possibly the most misunderstood) professor.

And I look forward to the next time we get to meet. I can’t wait to hold an animated discussion about Resorts World Sentosa (which opened last month) with her.