Hello, I blog!
I share all my sporadic and toilet thoughts in here, because I am random like that.
2012
A pretty mixed year with plenty of peaks and even more crevasses. Let me talk more about the crevasses – because in order to prevent more from occurring in the coming year, some serious change needs to take place.
On the whole, 2011 was a much better year than 2012. Somehow, an internal switch had been flipped in my brain during the transition of the years, because I was extremely positive in 2011 and conversely, negative in 2012.
I’m referring to my general outlook of myself. In 2011, I felt like I could conquer mountains. I was self-assured and confident in my arguments, opinions and whatnot. I felt like I knew what I was doing. Whereas in 2012, I felt the complete opposite.
Late last year, I recall reading an article about the importance of continuous learning, and how one should never be complacent because change can happen anytime (which is absolutely true). I am not sure whether it was a direct effect of that article, but I was really tough on myself this year – mentally berating myself to keep pushing and pressing on harder. Methinks I may have taken it a bit too far, because I now feel that I’ve lost touch with who I was in 2011 (when I was at my peak).
In 2013, I need to start being kinder to myself. Strike a balance somewhere.
2012 was also a bad year, health wise. The number of sick days I’ve taken was ridiculously high, with one hospital admission and numerous more A&E admissions for chest pains and acute gastric. As much as I love my work, I realized there are physical limits. Moderation is key – you may love your chocolate but too much of it is bad for you. And I often tend to forget that with my background heart and autoimmune conditions, I have to be extra careful.
At one point in time, I used to agree that “sleep is for the weak”. In my university days, I used to be really proud of the fact that I can go for up to 48 hours without sleep to complete a project, or how I could stay up during the wee hours at night studying or writing code and still not be tired the next day. What I didn’t realize was that my body was silently breaking down, till it cumulated in one medical condition after another in 2008. Now, my mantra is “you need to sleep to not be weak”.
I’m not exactly sure how I’m going to moderate my working lifestyle in 2013, because it’s too easy for me to be carried away. I can end up coding or designing for hours, forgetting to eat unless someone reminds me to. I acknowledge that this is a huge-ass problem I have to take control of soon … so I’ll think of something.
When I was 10, I was told by a tuition teacher that I had an obsession with perfection. When I was 18, I discovered I had a Type A personality. I haven’t changed, have I?
Last year, I was asked what were my resolutions for 2012. At that point, I felt that I needed no resolutions because 2011 was a terrific year. Now, if you were to ask me what are mine for 2013 … fuck yeah, I really need resolutions because I screwed up this year.
I have 7 days until 2013 begins. I’ll have a concrete plan by then, I hope.
I think I’m a lucky girl
Call it luck or the outcome of hard work (for some) – I am actually really happy with where I am right now.
1. I’ve an awesome Dad who supports me 100% in any career I choose to do, and every decision I make.
2. I’ve an extremely patient Mum who is willing to tolerate all my shit, my mood swings, and patiently bringing me for my frequent doctors’ appointments.
3. I’ve really supportive friends who – even when we don’t meet or contact for a short while – still keep me in their minds, and I know they love me as much as I love them.
4. I’m working in a really awesome company, with bosses (who also happen to be my friends) who took me on despite knowing my medical history, in full faith that I can bring value to the team. Also, I’ve colleagues who care for me, cheer me on when I’m down, and remind me gently to slow down when I’m go on full-workaholic mode.
5. All the past opportunities I’ve had: Enrolling in and graduating from a university that I love (and enjoying almost every single course and module that I took – in contrast to most other students who faced each school day with dread). Having previously worked at another startup company with people who are elites in their field, and gained invaluable experience in user experience design and web programming.
6. My natural myriad of interests in computers (since young – I first touched HTML code when I was 11), reading, writing, photography and human-computer interaction design which gave me much insight and help in my work. This also allowed me to combine work and pleasure at the same time.
It’s a mixture of of all the above factors that led me to where I am now. There are times where things go downhill, but everything happens for a reason. Ultimately, there will always be people who care (despite the well-known perception that this is a cruel world) and the fact that you have to be the one who stays in control despite all the events that fate swings your way.
With all the upsides, there is still one downside – my poor health.
But looking at it from another perspective, I’m happy I’m still alive after the past 4 years of struggles, and that I’m not dead yet. :P
How about you? What are you happy for?
2010 in a nutshell
Yes, I know. It’s already March. So why am I summing up 2010 only now? Well, part of me feels like I haven’t quite concluded the year properly if I do not write a post like this. And I’ve been busy. Though I have a bit of time to spare now so, yeah.
For me, 2010 had been significant because it was the year I’ve been dragged out of the little hell-hole I’ve been digging myself into over the course of the last two years.
For the uninitiated – I’ve been irreversibly sick since July 2008, and I didn’t take it well. So I basically lived almost two years feeling down and out … until three of my friends decided to band together to knock some sense into me. That was in the early parts of 2010.
Ever since then, the days just seemed brighter, and are continuing to be so.
So, here goes. 2010 in a nutshell.
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