Hello, I blog!
I share all my sporadic and toilet thoughts in here, because I am random like that.
Hereby I remain, a monoatomic individual
I’ve reached the age where I’m increasingly seeing more and more people within my own circle tying the knot and starting their own families.
Whao. Where have all those years gone to? It still feels like yesterday where we first met one another in school or perhaps, having childish pillow fights during a vacation. The feeling is surreal.
Being officially in my mid-twenties now, I’m starting to feel the implicit societal pressure.
I’m 25 years old … and single for the full 25 years of my life. Yet, I’m beyond happy and absolutely satisfied with life right now.
Is there something wrong with me for feeling that way? Well, I don’t happen to think so.
But it seems like the rest of the world does. Remarks from relatives about me still existing as a single entity, attempts at matchmaking, the mortified expressions and disbelieving looks upon learning I’m happy being independent without feeling that I need a partner to be whole. These reactions pour in like lava and constantly make me question, well, what’s so wrong about being single?
Nothing, for sure. I’ve full control of my own time and I don’t need to account for anyone else other than myself. I’m fully enjoying singledom, apart from the occasional awkward clashes with folks who believe in the existence of the family unit.
Last weekend, I was caught in an unfortunate situation where a middle-aged lady suddenly grabbed me during a wedding and cooed about how cute I am (yes, awkward situation it was) and upon learning I was in my mid twenties, exclaimed “wow, so your turn to get married will soon come!”
“Err, I don’t think so,” was my barely enthusiastic response. She gave me a raised eyebrow.
“Why? No boyfriend? Awwwwwww, a girl like you shouldn’t have a problem finding one!”
“Well, I don’t want one. And I don’t want to get married,” said I. Her look of confusion turned into one of pure horror.
“DON’T SAY THAT!” she rebuked me, while I shrugged and made my exit. Oh well, I said it anyway.
Well, it ain’t easy being an independence-seeking, asexual girl in a conservative Asian society where the general mindset is that every individual should exist in a pair.
I’m not ruling out the possibility of me ever being half of a pair but I’m not going to do it just because it is something ‘expected’ out of me.
Everyone has different expectations with regard to what they want out of their lives. Some seek security, I thrive on unpredictability. Being part of a couple may mean the world to most but for me, being single is my world.
Hurrah!
Managing people
I never thought I was someone who’s good with people. I talk a lot, yes. But being mildly extroverted does not mean I’m a natural at dealing with people.
Take me, for example. I’m hypersensitive. I take offense easily. But this also inevitably leads to me worrying too much about offending other people. This is both good and bad.
What’s ironic is despite how I tend to worry about offending people, I still speak my mind. Sometimes, way too liberally. But I often try to structure my sentences in a way that brings my point across without coming across as too rude or harsh. (May not be successful all the time, but at least I try.)
There’s also the occasional time where I become a bit too passionate about what I’m talking about and end up speaking in a highly exaggerated, agitated manner – leading people to think I’m mouthing them off when actually, I’m not.
Then again, that’s because I’m too highly strung about how other people think.
The reason why I’m now watching my interpersonal relationships more closely is my change in career environment.
I’ve been with this startup company since the beginning of the year. I’ve an awesome partner in crime in one of my favourite fields of work which is UX design. But I also have to oversee several fresh faces in the team who are completely new to the startup scene and the tech industry.
Given my perfectionist nature, I wanted everything to be in its place and up to speed at all times and yet give ample room for the freshies to grow.
I never liked micromanagement and dictatorship. I’ve been at the receiving end before at a previous job. I know how it’s like to be belittled. I know how it’s like to be looked down upon. I know how it’s like to simply carry out the desires of others with little room for own input. And I can honestly tell you, the feeling sucks.
So, when it came to my turn to oversee people in a fresh new environment, I didn’t want to make the same mistakes. I don’t want to stifle. I don’t want to belittle. I want to give constructive criticism and yet still make people feel empowered with new knowledge.
It isn’t easy, and I still occasionally feel like I’m stepping on toes.
Like how I occasionally get too animated when trying to provide feedback or constructive criticism. Thankfully, my hypersensitive self tends to pick up hints of annoyance or when a person is getting demoralized – sometimes hints that are not even there – allowing me to react accordingly. But I still feel bad afterward.
I want to be the type of person that offers gentle yet firm guidance and support.
It ain’t easy. Because human nature causes us to constantly want to be one-up above others. But it crushes, disheartens and discourages. And after what I’ve been through before, damn right I don’t want that to happen to anyone.
Managing people can feel like rocket science. But I’m willing to invest time and energy in this kind of rocket science. The gains from having positive team morale is absolutely priceless.
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