Hello, I blog!
I share all my sporadic and toilet thoughts in here, because I am random like that.
Love-hate relationship with the ‘Type A’ me
On many counts, I am exceptionally pleased that I have a Type A personality.
People with Type A personalities are known to be go-getters, and are seriously driven for success. Unfortunately, they can also come across as being highly-competitive – although it is an apparent necessity in today’s fast-paced world. They have extremely high tolerances for stress and pressure, which puts them one leg up above the rest because they are able to press on much longer.
But, it is also no secret that Type A people can end up being highly unhappy people (since they are very rarely satisfied). Plus, although it may seem at first that Type A people are pretty invincible against crumbling under stress and pressure – when they eventually do give in, they fall. Very hard.
The first time I discovered I have a Type A personality was way back in 2005. However, I did another online quiz out of curiosity and that seems to have changed.
Type A Personality test – my results.
Now, I am somewhere in the middle – or so the above quiz says. But I do see many signs of the Type A personality I’ve mentioned so much about manifesting like whoa on a day to day basis, particularly the past three weeks.
Most dominant is my attitude towards work. I set expectations on what I want to accomplish and complete by the end of each day, and I do everything within my means to meet those expectations, or even exceed them if possible. Assuming that I sought to complete tasks A, B and C by the end of the day, completing what I had set out to do puts my mind at ease – although I am largely indifferent or just a little bit happy. Doing all that, including tasks D and E will give me inexplicable pleasure.
But.
If I complete only tasks A and B and miss out C, I torture myself mentally. Not consciously, though – it happens without me realizing it. But seriously, dude – when I bash myself up mentally, I really mean a good, solid mental bashing.
It doesn’t help that I also have generally high expectations about myself on top of work. So, if I happen to miss the mark on any particular day, hoo boy! It doesn’t matter about environmental factors, or if anything major had happened in recent days that caused me to miss the mark. If I miss the mark, I miss the mark. (And generally, I pretty much pride myself in being able to get things done despite it all.)
Recently, I am falling short of my own expectations way too much. I have leftover tasks at the end of quite a number of days which accumulates, leaving my to-do list seemingly never-ending. I admit, loads of stuff have been happening lately (mostly health-related), but I don’t like to use it as a reason and pretty much chucked it out of the window as an excuse.
As a result, I’ve been mentally bashing myself up like crazy. Feeling as if I’m letting other people down only forms part of the reason. The most part is because I disappointed myself.
It’s damn bloody unhealthy, I know. But it’s difficult to stop.
My mind has been trained to think this way for the longest time, and old habits die hard.
It is amazing how I allow me to feel so bad about myself even without even receiving a telling-to. (And I know at this point, most of my closest friends who are reading this will be nodding their heads in agreement.)
If the above sounds seriously wacko to you and you are a Type-A personality, then I must say something is seriously wrong (with me, that is). If you have ways on preventing your Type-A alter-ego from taking you over, please share … because I think I seriously need it at the moment!
Medical professionals, ethics and religion
I’ve had my first (and last) consultation with a general surgeon today, and returned home with a slightly diminished level of respect for the medical profession (and zilch respect for surgeons in general) and a mind that is still boggling at the ridiculousness of the whole situation.
If you’ve been following my Twitter updates during the past few hours, you’ll understand why I am so miffed.
My impression of him was mediocre at best during the first few minutes of my consultation. He wasn’t very personable, and basically treated the patient (me) like “just another object he has to deal with in his line of work.”
That impression went on a further downward spiral when he snapped at me later during the consultation.
“Don’t you question me! Just do what I tell you to do” was his abrupt, arrogant response, when I asked him about my physio treatment and what it was for, and how he came up with his eventual prognosis.
“Excuse me? I am the patient. I have every right to question you on what you are going to do and the rationale behind any treatment I need,” I retorted in response.
I am paying YOU for your time. Additionally, it is MY treatment and MY body that it affects. I have every right to know what is going on. It is a basic right, a given entitlement to any patient.
Is it so difficult for you to open your mouth to explain, given your experience and standing in your profession? Also considering that I am paying you a hundred buckeroos for a 20-minute long consultation?
It doesn’t just end at his lack of emotional quotient.
Unfortunately for me, Mister Surgeon happened to be a preachy religion advocate too.
Disclaimer:
For the record, I have absolutely nothing against religious people. I respect them for their beliefs and in return, they respect me for mine. However, I have zero tolerance towards those who don’t.
Towards the end of the consultation – just as I was about to leave – Mister Surgeon told me that “I should start praying more.”
“I don’t pray,” I informed him. (For the record, I am agnostic.)
That was when he turned to my mother and asked what religion we were. Mum informed him that my family members are free-thinkers while I am an agnostic. In response, Mister Surgeon began to tut.
“Ah, no wonder! You’re not praying at all! That’s why you are sick all the time and not recovering!” says he, visibly showing his displeasure.
My patience snapped.
“Excuse me? YOU have YOUR beliefs and I have MINE. I have the prerogative to choose what I want or do not want to believe in, and you do not impose your beliefs on others.”
The consultation ended on that note.
However, my encounter with Mister Surgeon didn’t end there.
A few minutes later, mum and I returned to the clinic as she wanted to ask the nurse some questions. Mister Surgeon happened to be at the waiting room at the time and approached me when he saw me.
“Let’s leave your mum and my nurse to talk. You don’t need to listen to them. Let’s go outside,” says he.
I was immediately on guard.
“Why?” I asked. “They are talking about my medical situation. I can stay around and listen in if I want to.”
“Let’s go to the lift area. I want to talk to you spiritually,” says he. I didn’t respond. I simply glared at him.
“Well you see, God is asking me to talk to you,” he continues.
I continued glaring, still not responding. If he is so dense to the point of being unable to grasp the fact that I am not fucking interested and that people are able to live fulfilling lives without having to believe in some supernatural power, I am not going to dignify him with a response.
Mister Surgeon eventually threw his hands into the air and momentarily exeunted. However, he returned to the scene a coupla’ minutes later with the following conclusion – “I shouldn’t try to push God to you. You will end up becoming very angry with God. But I just know that in the future, one day – you WILL go to God!”
Whatever.
Very nice try at self-convincing, Mister Surgeon. But sorry, you are still in denial of the fact that people do not need to have a religion to be happy.
And what’s with all that hogwash about “being angry with God”? If there is a God, I doubt there will be anything wrong with him. There are those who fervently subscribe to their religions, knowing exactly what it entails. But deluded followers like you, Mister Surgeon, is WHAT’S WRONG.
Attributing my (lack of) religion as a reason to why my health is deteriorating when YOU are a medical specialist?! Oh, come on. You have more than 50 years in the medical field. What is your excuse for coming up with something as baseless and insensitive as that?
That is honestly, stepping over the line, not to mention the height of unprofessionalism. In fact, this goes against the Code of Medical Ethics.
A physician shall treat patients as equals and not allow race, religion, political views or social status to have any effect on his actions towards them.
As a surgeon, specialist or any kind of medical doctor, thou shall respect thy patients’ right to choice, as well as their personal space and privacy. The relationship is to be maintained strictly at a professional level so as to avoid any conflicts of interest.
Introducing elements such as religion into the picture – especially Mister Surgeon’s pushy attempts at imposing his religion upon yours’ truly (despite my attempts at refusal) – is quite obviously, out of self-interest and basically shatters what’s remaining of the trust and mutual respect in the relationship.
In fact – based on feedback from my followers on Twitter and comments on my Facebook Profile – I have a substantial enough case to lodge a report with the hospital administration, which I won’t because I just can’t be arsed to.
I don’t care if you gained your medical degree in 1966 (with more than 40 years of experience under your belt). I don’t give a fuck if you have been accepted as a fellowship for some Surgeon’s society in 1970 (which is still, way before I was born). With EQ like that, you shouldn’t even become a doctor to begin with, let alone a surgeon.
I’m never stepping into your clinic again, that is for sure. You do not have my respect and my trust, and you never will. You may be educationally qualified but you’re scum in my eyes, as far as today goes.
How I wish I’ve gotten over the initial shock at the situation so I could have better articulated to Mister Surgeon exactly what I thought of him on the spot, and my distaste towards his actions.
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