Hello, I blog!
I share all my sporadic and toilet thoughts in here, because I am random like that.
Never a dull moment
[Written at 1.50 P.M. (19th May) Singapore time, 10:50 P.M. (18th May) Vancouver time.]
The nice thing about travelling with my extremely crazed, wacky relatives is that something funny/odd/downright ridiculous happens almost every hour. (This almost makes up for the way they drive me up the wall the rest of the time. Hur.)
Scenario 1: The car seat murderer
Younger cousin David attempts to re-adjust the seat of my grandma in the MPV we rented for our long drive to Seattle. He had previously reclined the seat too low to the point where my grandma was beginning to have a backache.
Unfortunately, the seat was tricky to maneuver and my cousin had quite a bit of struggle.
“Pull! Pull, David! Pull!” my aunts were egging him on.
“This is too difficu-” David gave too hard a yank at the moment and the entire seat lurched forward … and managed to whack my poor, unsuspecting grandma at the back of her head.
The entire group gasps, and my grandma utters her trademark phrase.
“KIA SI NANG!”
(*Kia si nang – Singaporean slang to express outrage or shock.)
Scenario 2: We had some nice butts for dinner
Aunt Olive, David and I were comparing what we had for dinner, and Aunt Olive was talking about how the halibut was much better than the ribeye. Only that she mispronounced ‘halibut’ slightly, turning it into ‘hali-butt’.
Aunt – “The hali-butt tasted nicer than the steak!”
Me – “The what?!”
Aunt – “Hali-butt?!”
Me – “Why not just call it ‘hairy butt’ and finish with it?”
So my aunt had some pretty tasty butts for dinner. Hmm, I wonder whose.
Scenario 3: Unintentional child abandonment
On the way back to the hotel, my group of relatives ran into a group of my aunt’s friends. Sensing a potential long conversation ahead (and seeing how both of us were laden with heavy bags), younger cousin David and I decide to park our arses on a nearby couch to wait.
Only that we both ended up falling asleep and I was abruptly shaken awake half an hour later by David telling me frantically that everyone is gone. Apparently, the adults had completed their conversation, completely forgot about us and simply returned to the rooms.
The worst part? Neither David nor I had the keys to enter our rooms.
After sitting around and stoning for quite a but, we both came up with the perfect solution – which was to continue sleeping on the couch. o.O
Our theory was that they’d realize that we’re missing sooner nor later and would come back for us. Plus, we’re both pretty drained from the day’s events so that was the best way to conserve energy and get out of our current predicament, we felt.
Sure enough, Aunt Olive came back for us less than ten minutes later – apologizing profusely. (But looking more amused than guilty. Tsk, really.)
Scenario 4: The unfortunate need to share bathrooms.
Overheard while I was still semi-asleep this morning. Someone was already using the bathroom in my hotel room (with the door locked) but my mum desperately needed the toilet fast – so she walked into the adjoining room (which belongs to my Uncle Daniel, Aunt Olive and the younger cousin David) and requested to use their bathroom in the queerest of ways.
Mum – Olive, does your son need to bathe?
Aunt Olive – No, he doesn’t bathe in the mornings. He only needs to change.
Mum – Okay, good good. Is he naked?(Me thinking “Whaaaaaaaat?” in my sleep. But later managed to put two and two together and realized that David was probably in the bathroom at that time. But because the bathroom was so madass big with two sinks – and an additional private toilet with a door – we could usually do our stuff alongside one another.)
Aunt Olive – Uh, well … he IS changing in the toilet.
For the record, my mum spilled some coffee and wanted to wash her hands. She is not some child-peeping pedophile or anything of the sort. (;
Personal experience on board Flight CX838
[Written at 2.23 P.M. (16th May) Singapore time, 11:23 P.M. (15th May) Vancouver time.]
As luck would have had it, I was on board the Vancouver-bound flight from Hong Kong (Cathay Pacific CX 838) that was apparently under a bomb threat – which led to the unusual ‘sky display’ of a passenger jetliner being escorted by two military planes (more links: CNN Blogs, BBC, The Straits Times, TodayOnline) visible from the around the vicinity of Vancouver’s airport.
Before boarding CX 838 at Hong Kong International Airport.
Despite being on the flight, I was largely unaware of what was going on. I was stuck in the middle row of seats – which left me with little knowledge of what was going on outside. The only thing I could really remember seeing was the sight of several snow-capped mountains and thinking “oooooh, mountains!” while the plane was making its descent. Several passengers (particularly those near the windows) however, seemed to be captivated by something outside as well … and I initially thought they were admiring the mountains too. o.O
Turned out that they were looking at the military jets. (Which I didn’t know about until later.)
The following pictures of one of the military jets escorting our aircraft was taken by a fellow passenger, Angella Griffith, who happened to be seated near the wing.
Original pictures by Angella Griffith. Colour edited by me.
[Edited: 11.00 A.M. (16th May) Vancouver Time] Another fellow passenger Winston Yuen seated on the opposite side just sent me this picture of the other military jet trailing us from the starboard side.
Original picture by Winston Yuen. Colour edited by me.
Many thanks to Angella and Winston for contributing the above photographs and allowing me to use them on my blog!
Initially, things seemed completely normal.
The plane stopped at the terminal as per normal to let us passengers disembark (no, we were not taken to an isolated part of the airport unlike what media reports suggested). We also went through immigration as per normal and headed to our assigned baggage carousel (number 23). Passengers were milling around waiting for their bags to come around – with several already collecting theirs’ and leaving the area – until things suddenly took a turn half an hour later.
No information given to us.
It seemed as though no new bags were showing up on the carousel, which left several of us quite frustrated. The scene became even more confusing when big, burly armed guards suddenly showed on the scene, ordering all of us to back away from the carousel and shouting at anyone who tried to pick up their bags. They then positioned themselves all around the carousel (about five to six of them altogether), and basically stood there. No explanation, nothing.
A few minutes later, the baggage carousel completely grinded to a halt.
Meanwhile, all the passengers were simply looking around, bewildered – with several annoyed that their bags weren’t showing up/not allowed to pick their bags.
And when anyone tried to approach the guards, they were either given a very rude answer – I overheard “If it comes out, it comes out. Otherwise, just wait!” (which isn’t very helpful) – or given a look as if the guards are doing them a favour by being there.
Announcements over the PA system were vague and non-explanatory as well. As a result, various theories were being devised among the passengers, such as a possible ‘technical glitch’, ‘the carousel stopped working’, ‘the people at the baggage department are inefficient’ and of course, the possible ‘security threat’. (Although most people were swayed towards the first reason.)
One hour later – the guards were still there, the carousel still non-moving, and the PA system still repeating the same vague, non-specific messages.
Cut off from the outside world.
In addition to all that, mobile lines from the airport to within Canada seemed to be completely cut. We couldn’t reach my aunt who was waiting for us at the arrival hall to let her know we were held up. Neither could we call anyone else within Canada to let them know of our situation.
Tempers were beginning to rise – but minutes later, the carousels suddenly started again. The guards then informed us that baggages already on the carousel can be collected whereas those that haven’t showed up are subjected to additional security screening which can take up to two hours.
Still no bags.
My relatives and I have a total of eight check-in baggages in total, none which have showed up despite having waited for close to three hours by then. Needless to say, we were extremely miffed as we were forced to stay in the airport longer with no explanation, whatsoever (and at that point, most people felt that what was going on was more of a technical glitch than anything else).
So, we parked ourselves on benches around the area and waited. (Quite a few passengers – quite possibly Vancouver residents – opt to leave earlier and have their baggages delivered to their homes. However, us tourists have no other choice but to wait because we need our stuff!)
We learned about things the hard way – from someone else (and the media).
It was almost approaching five when a fellow passenger approached me and informed me that a friend of her’s has just contacted her after seeing the latest news and apparently, our plane was involved in an alleged security/bomb threat.
In response, my jaw fell.
You mean, uninvolved people from the rest of the world knew about it and yet us – the people directly affected – were completely kept in the dark?!
Okay, but that wasn’t really my concern. The words ‘security’ and ‘bomb threat’ sent a chilling shiver down my spine.
In response, I switched on my laptop and googled for related news. Sure enough, several media reports from the likes of CNN , BBC, The Straits Times and Vancouver Sun were staring back at me in the face. Eventually, we passed the information down to the rest of the stranded passenger group – who crowded around and stared at my screen.
Even then, the security and airport staff at Vancouver Airport kept completely mum about the situation. They continued remaining flippant even when we prodded them for details hinting that we already knew what was going on. (Quite understandable, really – methinks they don’t want to raise an alarm. But on the other hand, I still feel they could have handled the situation better because being forced to wait around when you don’t know why can be very frustrating.)
I only started filming the following video after knowing about the security/bomb threat situation.
Scene at the baggage collection area after we (the stranded passengers)
found out about the situation for real.
As the video suggests, some parts of the preliminary media reports about our flight were untrue. We weren’t forced to land in Vancouver. We were going to land in Vancouver right from the beginning. (It was our flight destination!) Rather, we were escorted by the military jets during our descent instead of landing independently.
Me, with some of the other stranded fellow passengers.
We just HAD to take a photo together after knowing we just survived a bomb threat.
Leaving the Airport
All the affected passengers (and yours’ truly) were also subjected to additional screening procedures before we were allowed to leave the restricted zone. All baggages had to be re-x-ray’ed and scanned by sniffer dogs (despite how we were held back long enough for supposedly additional safety checks). Additionally, the fact that there were eight other armed guards in the screening room who were staring at us as if we were potential criminals didn’t help the situation one bit.
Methinks my poor grandma was confused. And my mum, aunt and myself didn’t want to tell her about the situation in too much detail because she alarms easily.
Eventually, I stepped out into the bright sunshine and was interviewed by a local (Vancouver) news station on the way out. By then, I was too flustered to string a coherent sentence together so I hope they don’t air my response.
It’s been more than ten hours since the incident and the verdict is out – no bomb has been found on the plane – which is a relief, really. All of us were indeed happy to have emerged alive and kicking. And even then, the prospect of having flown in a plane (with a potential bomb) is extremely unnerving.
The flight itself was pretty uneventful. I’ve had a pretty restful sleep during the thirteen hour long journey … and was only rudely awakened once or twice by the air stewardess rolling the food trolley into my head (my head tends to droop beyond the seat when I’m in a deep sleep so, my fault – I guess). Plus, the plane landing was one of the smoothest I’ve ever encountered so the whole twist of events was rather puzzling.
Corruption of the little minds
Here’s me recounting one of them’ hilarious scenarios (or rather, an example of how us older’ folk are comparatively um … less innocent than the little kiddos) from last week’s trip with the extended family.
It was me and two teenage cousins lazing around on the bed watching Youtube videos on my laptop, when we chanced upon a parody of Black Eyed Peas’ “I gotta’ feeling” (which also happens to be my favourite parody of all time) retitled “I’m a Korean”.
You can take a sneak peek at the video here. It’s utterly hilarious, I kid you not.
(Disclaimer: I highly doubt the video creator meant any offense against Koreans, neither do I. The video was made by its rightly creator for the sake of humour, not to stir shit or whatsoever.)
Apparently, in that video, there were several lines that sparked peals of laughter among the cousins and myself.
Quote 1:
I have a missile
It’s very small
It’s in my pants
I can’t get it up!
Honestly, I’ve watched the video many times before and never made the connection between the above and the male organ. Until one of my teenage cousins began laughing at that point which was when I finally made the connection (and was astounded at how much the 14-year old girl cousin knew).
Quote 2:
I think Michael Jackson’s a good guy
I don’t mind if he sleeps with young guys
Because in my country
we can touch young guys on their p***s.
This was the part that led to loud eruptions of laughter, along with repetitions of the very last line, along with that censored p-word.
It was only seconds later when we suddenly fell silent because we had completely forgotten that 7-year old Nicole, along with 3-year old Rachel were sitting just right beside us. (And the video, if subjected to the stringent checks movies undergo, will quite possibly be rated at least M18.)
There was an uncomfortable silence for a while, before the dreaded question came.
Nicole blinked once, twice, looked at us with a completely innocent, blur expression and asked, “Gor gor (Mandarin for ‘big brother’), jie jies (Mandarin for ‘big sisters’), what is a penis?”
We remained silent, and simply exchanged helpless glances. We really did not know how to answer her.
The youngest of my teenage cousins eventually responded sheepishly, “well, you’re too young to know!”
Later that night, all of us were blasted (albeit, jokingly) by the oldest cousin, who happened to be the father of both Nicole and Rachel.
“WHAT HAVE YOU ALL BEEN TEACHING MY DAUGHTERS?” the oldest cousin demanded. The two teenage cousins concerned and myself simply gave him a dazed look, trying our darnest best to look as innocent as possible.
“What have you been telling them, man?” he questioned again. “Why did my two daughters suddenly come up to me just now and asked me what is a penis?”
That was when we erupted into peals of laughter again for the second time that day.
Little Nicole at that moment, decided to show of her newly acquired knowledge.
“I know! I know what a penis is!”
We looked at her.
“CUCKOO BIRD!”
Ohmygoodnessgolly.
Oh, and earlier that afternoon, the same couple of teenage cousins were rattling on and on about um … erections and stuff. And they are only … what? Fourteen? And the other is twelve.
Gee, they do start sexuality education reeeeeeally early these days.
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