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I share all my sporadic and toilet thoughts in here, because I am random like that.
The adventures of grandma in a wheelchair
[Written at 7.18 A.M. (27th May) Singapore time, 4.18 P.M. (26th May) Vancouver time.]
It was Grandma’s first trip to Alaska! (Well, it was the first trip for the rest of us too … but the emphasis of this entry will be on grandma, non?) We embarked on a 7-day long cruise to Alaska (Juneau, Skagway and Ketchikan) last Wednesday and it was beyond awesome.
For most of us, it was the activities on the cruise, the shopping and amazing scenery that dominated our memories from that trip.
For grandma, it was a slightly different story. I’m pretty sure she still has vivid memories of almost being toppled off her wheelchair and wheeled into walls, pillars and what-have-yous. There’s more where that came from, which I will elaborate further in this entry.
Considering the events of the past seven days, I wouldn’t be surprised if my grandma develops a permanent phobia to her wheelchair. Erps.
Note: My grandma can walk perfectly well. It is just that she’s fast approaching ninety and tires easily, which is why we let her ride on a wheelchair most of the time – occasionally letting her walk around so that she has some exercise.
Gran’ and her wheelchair. The airline tag on the wheelchair reads
‘priority baggage’. Teehee.
Being the funky grandmother she is, she takes everything in her stride. Her face turns pale with fright when the various incidents happen … but bursts out laughing (along with the rest of us) later on.
Corruption of the little minds
Here’s me recounting one of them’ hilarious scenarios (or rather, an example of how us older’ folk are comparatively um … less innocent than the little kiddos) from last week’s trip with the extended family.
It was me and two teenage cousins lazing around on the bed watching Youtube videos on my laptop, when we chanced upon a parody of Black Eyed Peas’ “I gotta’ feeling” (which also happens to be my favourite parody of all time) retitled “I’m a Korean”.
You can take a sneak peek at the video here. It’s utterly hilarious, I kid you not.
(Disclaimer: I highly doubt the video creator meant any offense against Koreans, neither do I. The video was made by its rightly creator for the sake of humour, not to stir shit or whatsoever.)
Apparently, in that video, there were several lines that sparked peals of laughter among the cousins and myself.
Quote 1:
I have a missile
It’s very small
It’s in my pants
I can’t get it up!
Honestly, I’ve watched the video many times before and never made the connection between the above and the male organ. Until one of my teenage cousins began laughing at that point which was when I finally made the connection (and was astounded at how much the 14-year old girl cousin knew).
Quote 2:
I think Michael Jackson’s a good guy
I don’t mind if he sleeps with young guys
Because in my country
we can touch young guys on their p***s.
This was the part that led to loud eruptions of laughter, along with repetitions of the very last line, along with that censored p-word.
It was only seconds later when we suddenly fell silent because we had completely forgotten that 7-year old Nicole, along with 3-year old Rachel were sitting just right beside us. (And the video, if subjected to the stringent checks movies undergo, will quite possibly be rated at least M18.)
There was an uncomfortable silence for a while, before the dreaded question came.
Nicole blinked once, twice, looked at us with a completely innocent, blur expression and asked, “Gor gor (Mandarin for ‘big brother’), jie jies (Mandarin for ‘big sisters’), what is a penis?”
We remained silent, and simply exchanged helpless glances. We really did not know how to answer her.
The youngest of my teenage cousins eventually responded sheepishly, “well, you’re too young to know!”
Later that night, all of us were blasted (albeit, jokingly) by the oldest cousin, who happened to be the father of both Nicole and Rachel.
“WHAT HAVE YOU ALL BEEN TEACHING MY DAUGHTERS?” the oldest cousin demanded. The two teenage cousins concerned and myself simply gave him a dazed look, trying our darnest best to look as innocent as possible.
“What have you been telling them, man?” he questioned again. “Why did my two daughters suddenly come up to me just now and asked me what is a penis?”
That was when we erupted into peals of laughter again for the second time that day.
Little Nicole at that moment, decided to show of her newly acquired knowledge.
“I know! I know what a penis is!”
We looked at her.
“CUCKOO BIRD!”
Ohmygoodnessgolly.
Oh, and earlier that afternoon, the same couple of teenage cousins were rattling on and on about um … erections and stuff. And they are only … what? Fourteen? And the other is twelve.
Gee, they do start sexuality education reeeeeeally early these days.
Farewell, little cousin.
I’ve been busy recently, working on a farewell gift for one of my favourite cousins – David.
This young fella’ would be heading to Vancouver for the next two years or so to pursue his Junior College education. (Singapore’s Education System has once again, proven to be too much of a struggle.)
It was a rather sudden, I must say. He only made his decision slightly more than a month ago and he’s leaving in … three days.
I’d feel really odd without David around – the cousin I practically grew up with. Those little gossip sessions and heart-to-heart talks in my grandmother’s house, all those times going crazy in public, our families having dinner, lunch or shopping sessions together, how he’d always drop me a message or ask how I am (about my health) and of course, our thrice-annually overseas trips together.
He’s my little buddy. How can I cope for two years without him? :(
Ah well, no time to grovel about it. I wish him the best of luck, to work hard and play hard at the same time. Also, I wish a pretty Canadian girlfriend upon him. (Oh, and I’ve asked him to find me a cute Canadian girl too. ;))
Anyway, back to the gift I’ve prepared for him.
Basically, it comprises two posters – which I’m going to demand he displays on the wall of his new room – one comprising photographs depicting our past happenings together with the family and extended family, and the other comprising messages from various family members and friends (bordered with even more photos).
At least in a way, he’d be taking all of us with him to Canada.
Thus, BEHOLD!
David’s farewell gift bundle.
It took several pieces of coloured paper, two black plastic boards, three tubes of glue, several photos, scissors and a very tired pair of hands to create this.
It was made with love, David dear. I hope you like it.
Board 1 – Photographic memories.
This is the first board I’ve mentioned about, supposedly depicting David’s life with his family here in Singapore, all thanks to my vast collection of photos from family outings and travels throughout the years. Not to mention some rather err … unglam pictures of David himself too.
Now, presenting the other board.
Board 2 – Sweet farewell messages.
I’ve started soliciting messages from family and friends (and those who know David) via Facebook slightly more than a week ago. It wasn’t easy, since some rarely log into Facebook (and I have no other means to contact them), so it was a crazy waiting game until I’ve more or less received all the messages I needed.
The messages were nicely formatted on Microsoft Powerpoint, printed and cut into little speech or thought bubbles (or plain ol’ squares) for the board.
I’m quite pleased with the overall outcome.
Continue reading for more in-depth pictures of the farewell gift bundle.
WARNING: Image intensive!
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