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I share all my sporadic and toilet thoughts in here, because I am random like that.
Laughter – what this trip is defined by
(This is a backdated entry written offline, and published when I – finally – had wireless access.)
The ongoing vacation in New Zealand has been full of amusing happenings (and merry mishaps) thus far. It’s been about;
1. A GPS named Nicolette, christened by my younger cousin J. Apparently, Nicolette was not very accurate. She led us to an abandoned shack once when we wanted to go to the Geothermal Park, and let us off-track to an unmaintained gravel road in the mountains when we wanted to drive to Wellington. Bottom line is, don’t expect 100% accuracy from a GPS. Needless to say, Nicolette received a fair amount of verbal abuse.
2. My uncle flirting with the lady behind the counter at Subway, Hutt Valley (Wellington) … right in front of his wife. And the lady flirted back. Even gave him a free foot-long piece of bread too.
3. Receiving our rental MPV cars on our first day at Auckland and realizing we had no idea how to operate it, right down to the most basic operation of opening the car doors. We’d punch a button (e.g. to open the door) and something else (e.g. the lights coming on) will happen instead. Imagine that happening ten times in a row. It took us half an hour to figure out the basics, and a further 5 days to get used to it.
4. Merry mishaps such as us causing the curtain rod at our Wellington motel to crash onto the floor when we overloaded it with our wet laundry.
5. Playing silly games such as “guess what Brenda will say when she returns to meet us”, “guess what Jillian will say when she comes out of Subway” and “guess which auntie is awake when we reach the motel”. And the loser has to drink some vile concoction.
6. Playing pranks on one another in the car. Such as putting the air conditioning at full blast when it was already dead cold outside, letting farts rip when everyone least expects it, and pretending to drive off when the last few people are still walking towards the car.
7. Putting the two top snorers in the same room and listening to them PK in the middle of the night. (It sounded like an orchestra in there.)
8. Conversations loaded with too much information.
In the car, on the way back to our motel in Wellington.
J – “Can I bathe first?”
Me – “Sure!”
J – “My backside’s itchy.”
Me – “Okay, too much information.”
J – “I think it’s growing fungus!”
Me – “…”
9. The drives around town with the cousins in the MPV with the windows down, with Black Eyed Peas’ “I Gotta Feeling” playing at full blast on the radio with us singing along at the top of our voices.
“I gotta feeling, that tonight’s gonna be a good night,
That tonight’s gonna be a good night,
That tonight’s gonna be a good good night.”
– The Black Eyed Peas
Among many others. Thanks for keeping the smile on my face.
Never a dull moment
[Written at 1.50 P.M. (19th May) Singapore time, 10:50 P.M. (18th May) Vancouver time.]
The nice thing about travelling with my extremely crazed, wacky relatives is that something funny/odd/downright ridiculous happens almost every hour. (This almost makes up for the way they drive me up the wall the rest of the time. Hur.)
Scenario 1: The car seat murderer
Younger cousin David attempts to re-adjust the seat of my grandma in the MPV we rented for our long drive to Seattle. He had previously reclined the seat too low to the point where my grandma was beginning to have a backache.
Unfortunately, the seat was tricky to maneuver and my cousin had quite a bit of struggle.
“Pull! Pull, David! Pull!” my aunts were egging him on.
“This is too difficu-” David gave too hard a yank at the moment and the entire seat lurched forward … and managed to whack my poor, unsuspecting grandma at the back of her head.
The entire group gasps, and my grandma utters her trademark phrase.
“KIA SI NANG!”
(*Kia si nang – Singaporean slang to express outrage or shock.)
Scenario 2: We had some nice butts for dinner
Aunt Olive, David and I were comparing what we had for dinner, and Aunt Olive was talking about how the halibut was much better than the ribeye. Only that she mispronounced ‘halibut’ slightly, turning it into ‘hali-butt’.
Aunt – “The hali-butt tasted nicer than the steak!”
Me – “The what?!”
Aunt – “Hali-butt?!”
Me – “Why not just call it ‘hairy butt’ and finish with it?”
So my aunt had some pretty tasty butts for dinner. Hmm, I wonder whose.
Scenario 3: Unintentional child abandonment
On the way back to the hotel, my group of relatives ran into a group of my aunt’s friends. Sensing a potential long conversation ahead (and seeing how both of us were laden with heavy bags), younger cousin David and I decide to park our arses on a nearby couch to wait.
Only that we both ended up falling asleep and I was abruptly shaken awake half an hour later by David telling me frantically that everyone is gone. Apparently, the adults had completed their conversation, completely forgot about us and simply returned to the rooms.
The worst part? Neither David nor I had the keys to enter our rooms.
After sitting around and stoning for quite a but, we both came up with the perfect solution – which was to continue sleeping on the couch. o.O
Our theory was that they’d realize that we’re missing sooner nor later and would come back for us. Plus, we’re both pretty drained from the day’s events so that was the best way to conserve energy and get out of our current predicament, we felt.
Sure enough, Aunt Olive came back for us less than ten minutes later – apologizing profusely. (But looking more amused than guilty. Tsk, really.)
Scenario 4: The unfortunate need to share bathrooms.
Overheard while I was still semi-asleep this morning. Someone was already using the bathroom in my hotel room (with the door locked) but my mum desperately needed the toilet fast – so she walked into the adjoining room (which belongs to my Uncle Daniel, Aunt Olive and the younger cousin David) and requested to use their bathroom in the queerest of ways.
Mum – Olive, does your son need to bathe?
Aunt Olive – No, he doesn’t bathe in the mornings. He only needs to change.
Mum – Okay, good good. Is he naked?(Me thinking “Whaaaaaaaat?” in my sleep. But later managed to put two and two together and realized that David was probably in the bathroom at that time. But because the bathroom was so madass big with two sinks – and an additional private toilet with a door – we could usually do our stuff alongside one another.)
Aunt Olive – Uh, well … he IS changing in the toilet.
For the record, my mum spilled some coffee and wanted to wash her hands. She is not some child-peeping pedophile or anything of the sort. (;
I should be a guy!
Me, talking about the importance of self-dependence during travel rather than following a packaged tour (which plans everything for you wthout you having to lift a finger).
“Somehow, travelling free-and-easy will help you learn more about a place, and learn to find your way around. Sooner, you’d realize that you can go almost anyplace without having to rely on guide books.
Back then when I travelled to Hong Kong on a group-tour, they brought us round and round until I got dizzy and didn’t know where the heck I was! Whereas when I went back to Hong Kong later on with my friends, I managed to get myself up and around in a matter of two days!” – Me.
Well, that was supposedly the original topic of conversation. But you know. With me, things can suddenly take on a twist.
Ter – “You have an amazing sense of direction for a girl. I thought that was a guy thing.”
Me – “See, I told you. I’m a guy trapped in a girl’s body.”
Ter – “…”
Me – “When I became an embryo in my mother’s womb, the stupid Y-chromosome decided to mutate and become an X.”
Ter – “…”
Me – “I have mutated sex chromosomes!”
Ter – “…”
Yeah, I am still onto that whole I should have been born a guy conspiracy thing.
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