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A pretty mixed year with plenty of peaks and even more crevasses. Let me talk more about the crevasses – because in order to prevent more from occurring in the coming year, some serious change needs to take place.

On the whole, 2011 was a much better year than 2012. Somehow, an internal switch had been flipped in my brain during the transition of the years, because I was extremely positive in 2011 and conversely, negative in 2012.

I’m referring to my general outlook of myself. In 2011, I felt like I could conquer mountains. I was self-assured and confident in my arguments, opinions and whatnot. I felt like I knew what I was doing. Whereas in 2012, I felt the complete opposite.

Late last year, I recall reading an article about the importance of continuous learning, and how one should never be complacent because change can happen anytime (which is absolutely true). I am not sure whether it was a direct effect of that article, but I was really tough on myself this year – mentally berating myself to keep pushing and pressing on harder. Methinks I may have taken it a bit too far, because I now feel that I’ve lost touch with who I was in 2011 (when I was at my peak).

In 2013, I need to start being kinder to myself. Strike a balance somewhere.

2012 was also a bad year, health wise. The number of sick days I’ve taken was ridiculously high, with one hospital admission and numerous more A&E admissions for chest pains and acute gastric. As much as I love my work, I realized there are physical limits. Moderation is key – you may love your chocolate but too much of it is bad for you. And I often tend to forget that with my background heart and autoimmune conditions, I have to be extra careful.

At one point in time, I used to agree that “sleep is for the weak”. In my university days, I used to be really proud of the fact that I can go for up to 48 hours without sleep to complete a project, or how I could stay up during the wee hours at night studying or writing code and still not be tired the next day. What I didn’t realize was that my body was silently breaking down, till it cumulated in one medical condition after another in 2008. Now, my mantra is “you need to sleep to not be weak”.

I’m not exactly sure how I’m going to moderate my working lifestyle in 2013, because it’s too easy for me to be carried away. I can end up coding or designing for hours, forgetting to eat unless someone reminds me to. I acknowledge that this is a huge-ass problem I have to take control of soon … so I’ll think of something.

When I was 10, I was told by a tuition teacher that I had an obsession with perfection. When I was 18, I discovered I had a Type A personality. I haven’t changed, have I?

Last year, I was asked what were my resolutions for 2012. At that point, I felt that I needed no resolutions because 2011 was a terrific year. Now, if you were to ask me what are mine for 2013 … fuck yeah, I really need resolutions because I screwed up this year.

I have 7 days until 2013 begins. I’ll have a concrete plan by then, I hope.

I almost didn’t make it for my alma mater’s Family Day Carnival as I was too busy lazing around in bed. (It’s a weekend after all. (;) Managed to get myself down in the end and boy, I’m glad I did.

The school is slated to be torn down in January 2014, so this is possibly one of my last few available chances to visit the school as it is right now.

Obviously, I wasn’t really there for the carnival. (Proceeds from the carnival are going to the school’s rebuilding fund … and I certainly wasn’t going to support that since I’m all for keeping the school the way it is now.) I was really there to revisit all my favourite nook and crannies of the school.

The garden outside the science labs.

Walking around the campus was refreshing, probably because I was looking at it from a fresh perspective. Back then, my head was constantly clouded with Chemistry/Physics/Mathematics/Biology assignments, exams and typical teenage girl problems so the school looked much more drab and mundane than it really was.

The campus is actually beautiful. A word which I NEVER used to describe my school back then.

More greenery in between Blocks A and B.

Plenty of gardens, with sculptures, a hut and waterfalls (which alas, I’ve forgotten to capture). There were many chill-out zones, although unappreciated and underutilized by teenaged girls.

Then again, I can’t quite blame them – my schedule was extremely rigid in my days of yore, with fixed timetables and only a 20-minute long recess break. Rules were strict as well – no girl was allowed to leave the classroom in between lessons and you even needed an ‘exit pass’ to visit the toilets. -.-

The large school field.

The school had a large field – the scene of many a PE lesson or footdrill training back then when I was a Girl Guide. I really loathed that field then, because it was always overgrown and muddy – and I’d never fail to spot mysterious long, slimy things wriggling in and out of the field. The field’s much more well maintained now and it was a flurry of activity … from willing parties. (Back then, everyone avoided the field like the plague unless they were forced to use it.)

Exam horrors.

It was exam periods for their students right now, so several areas of the school was blocked out. With those typical red and white plastic ribbon tapes no less … which made the out-of-bounds zone look dangerous and intimidating like a war zone.

The zone where my former classroom is was also blocked out, so I had to resort to sneaking around. Unfortunately, I was spotted and unceremoniously chased back to the ground floor. (Hey, that’s not the way to treat an old girl, okay?!)

I was chased away by a current student, who apologetically told me that “a teacher saw you and asked me to get you to leave”. As usual, we have teachers exerting their authority through young, innocent fifteen year olds. Damn, there goes my pride. :(

That also meant that I also didn’t manage to visit 75% of my favourite hideouts in the school either … since everything else beyond the ground floor was out-of-bounds.

Secondary 4/6.

Oh hello! That’s my classroom!

Just picture a much younger version of my current self seated at the far left corner of that classroom, who always screamed her head off when a bee flew through the door beside her (which was actually, pretty often – the school had a bee/wasp infestation problem back in the early 2000s). That’s pretty much my impression of my former sixteen year old self.

Trapped.

I bet everyone felt like this about school back then.

Being stuck in a world full of assignments and exams … with rigid rules dictating your every move – from your attire (collars cannot be unbuttoned, belts must be right, skirts must be knee-length, only black or dark blue hair accessories allowed, yadda yadda) to where you can go (no student is allowed to leave the classroom without permission). Not to mention how big brother is always watching from some corner … in the form of the Discipline Mistress (who had a knack of springing up on you in your most unsuspecting moment).

I certainly wouldn’t return to Secondary School again even when given the choice, despite the memories there – I value my freedom too much now. Back in those days, I was a kid who always complied to rules because I didn’t want to get into trouble. Now, I question every. Single. Damn. Thing.

Just swinging along.

Forward, Katong Convent.

An autonomous school since 2003.

There was a big hoo-ha about the school gaining autonomous status back in 2002. We’ve had representatives from the MOE visiting the school every now and then and conducting interviews with the students. I recall I was selected for one of these interviews, but I had to bail because I wasn’t feeling well that day and had to leave.

No effort was spared at sprucing up the school either. Within that year alone, we’ve had a hut pavilion and a new waterfall spring up within the campus, along with a fresh coat of paint. The school also had its mission and vision rewritten, all for the sake of impressing those big boys up there so they’d give us this “autonomous status”.

I didn’t quite get what the big deal was about having “autonomous status”. It was just another vanity label to me. Just like how students are labelled as “gifted” and “special”, or Secondary Schools having an “express” or “normal” section for their students.

Ah well, Singapore’s Education System has always been described as a crazy rat race, so this labelling thing is totally in line with that I guess.

But the most encouraging thing I heard today was that many teachers still insist on returning to CHIJ Katong Convent to teach because of the culture here – the girls are much more laid back and compassionate, with everyone treating one another as “family”. (As quoted from my former PE teacher whom I ran into today.) He also spoke about how he had taught a sister school and found the culture too stressful (with the students having a ridiculous obsession with being Number 1).

I guess with the “autonomous status” and all, some things don’t change – and that’s great. (;