Hello, I blog!

These days, my daily ritual has become to open ChannelNewsAsia and “check what is the 4D number of the day.”

That’s my way of referring to the act of checking our daily local Covid-19 community cases, which has been in the 4-digit range as of late. And “4D”, as every Singaporean would know, refers to one of the most popular modes legal gambling here, where people bet on 4-digit numbers – or “buying 4D”.

In fact, I’m certain there were people out there “buying 4D” with our daily case counts. (I don’t gamble though.)

Yesterday, I woke up to the number 1723.

“Strange, that’s pretty low.” I thought. Then I caught myself.

“What the fuck did I just say?” I mused. “Did I just say that 1723 new Covid-19 cases yesterday is low?!”

I stifled a laugh. How things have changed.

Earlier this year when the case counts suddenly hit 16 on the 29th of April, it became big news. It was as if shit was hitting the ceiling fan. Then, it started hurtling towards the hundreds and then past 500 in early September and I felt my fear increase.

In late September/early October, the daily cases shot past one thousand and then started to double. I remember I was in the hospital then for severe asthma (yes, again) feeling as if I was watching the world outside go to shits.

Then, we hit >5000 cases on October 27th.

So yep, 1723.

“That’s pretty low.”

I’ve been mostly keeping myself at home and limiting my social contact beyond immediate family members to just 1 person though. That’s the only responsible thing to do to keep myself safe while the virus is still circulating out there. And I thank my friends for being so understanding when I have to turn them down.

And no, I don’t agree with this whole “endemic” thing our local government is pushing for.

Yesterday, one of my besties abruptly announced her plans to start a family. I was surprised, as she has always been anti-children like I was.

Turns out, it was because her husband wanted them.

I was pretty shaken for the rest of the day. And honestly, worried for her.

Isn’t the topic of children something people discuss before marriage? Or is it just me thinking too far ahead? Considering that it’s such a crucial topic that can make or break a relationship.

I personally prefer full disclosure right from the start; I brought this up as early as at 3 months (my anti-children sentiment is so strong I’d get sterilized right now if given the opportunity). As for my poor health, I talked about it from day 0.

I’m just really really grateful for a partner who shares the same hopes and dreams as me, and accepts me the way I am.

People say I don’t need to justify such decisions to anyone except my partner, but fact remains that we live in a world where people don’t know how to mind their own business and mindlessly pile on the pressure.

But yeah, I’m just really worried now because one of my biggest fears – misalignment leading to having to make crucial life-changing “choices”, possibly against your own will – is happening to my best friend.

The only thing I could do was to mask my worries under a feeble “can you travel with me before you pop, please?”