Hello, I blog!
I share all my sporadic and toilet thoughts in here, because I am random like that.
Gong xi fa cai
There are many things about Chinese New Year that I’m not particularly fond of.
There’s an overwhelming emphasis on abundance, wealth and fortune. Music that plays in malls, markets and public places sing about how “the God of Fortune is coming”. Everyone wishes one another ‘gong xi fa cai’ – which means ‘may you have a windfall’ in mandarin. People cheer “huat ah!”, which is Hokkien dialect for ‘fa’ – which means ‘prosper’ in mandarin.
Mandarin oranges become ubiquitous during this festive season, which signifies good fortune as its name in mandarin means ‘gold’ – another reference to wealth. A well-known superstition also states that one should not sweep the floor or throw out any trash during Chinese New Year, as it’s associated with ‘sweeping your wealth away’.
It’s all about wealth this, wealth that.
Money, money, money.
It all seems pretty superficial to me.
But I guess 2020 has been an unprecedented year, with layoffs and reduction in incomes due to the poor economy. So this 2021, the typical Chinese New Year wishes have their place. Everyone wishes for a steady income after all, we all need money to survive. That’s unfortunately how the world works. :(
My wish for everyone this year is stability, health and happiness. I don’t need wealth or abundance, ‘just enough’ works for me. It’s human beings’ desire for abundance that is driving environmental destruction after all. Also, keep being kind to one another.
My Chinese New Year has been really quiet this year. No large groups, no noisy loheis. It’s just the way my introverted self likes it. (Although part of me feels that it’s weird.)
Irresponsible people, irresponsible people everywhere
I’m angry.
We’re in a fucking pandemic, but people don’t seem to be taking it seriously.
I just saw several videos on social media from friends who have attended weddings this weekend. The attendees – all in an air-conditioned enclosed space – none of them (or only one or two) were wearing masks even though they were not eating or drinking.
People in offices who refuse to mask up because “it is uncomfortable”. Bitch, I have freaking asthma and I am still wearing a mask. What’s your bloody excuse? Besides, I have to wear a mask for the rest of my life. You only have to do this temporarily during a pandemic. Stop fucking whining.
And temperature screening is not even taken seriously in Singapore. Scan your palm? What the heck? What’s the scientific basis to that?
I registered 34.6 degrees at a café in Paragon Mall.
Wow, I am walking around with hypothermia, guys. I was practically dead at that point in time.
Temperature screening, not.
Either do it properly, or not at all.
And people gathering in groups of more than 8, then boasting about it on social media as if it’s some badge of honour. Oh look, I’m flouting the rules. Aren’t I cool. No, asshole. It’s irresponsible people like you that are raising the community case counts in Singapore.
People still going to work and mingling with others after developing symptoms like fever and loss of taste/smell – and spawning 2 new workplace-based clusters. Slowclap. After 1 year of this shit, you would have thought that people would have developed some common sense. Nooooope.
In most recent news, with Chinese New Year around the corner, the government is limiting the number of visitors per household per day to 8. And each person is not allowed to visit more than 2 other households in a given day. But how is this rule even regulated? The onus is on the people to be responsible, thinking adults.
But I don’t trust people to be responsible and self-regulate, seriously. They will find every single possible loophole and exploit it.
“They can’t patrol every single house and catch us anyway.”
This is the third pandemic – selfish ignorance. (The second is the pandemic of fake news and disinformation. As for the first, I doubt Covid-19 needs introduction anymore.)
I’m honestly very thankful that both sides of my extended family are heeding these new regulations.
I sound like I’m on my moral high horse here and being absolutely judgy. I’m just really incredulous at this blatant show of selfishness when we have a pandemic ripping through mankind and people are dying by the millions.
/Grumble.
My journey fighting depression
2020 was the year I finally acknowledged I had undiagnosed depression and decided to seek help for it.
The signs were all too clear. My online presence is largely angsty. Even though this blog is silent, I’m extremely active on Instagram. I upped my activity there since 2014 in an attempt to focus on more positive posts (since it’s more photo-based). While it worked initially, I was still prone to outbursts of angry posts as time went on, and especially so after the Instagram Stories feature appeared (where posts disappear after 24 hours).
A colleague/teammate of mine described my posts as “dark” – which I had to absolutely agree.
It was nearing the end of 2019 – a particularly bad year where I had prolonged loss of voice entirely (it’s back now, luckily) and a bad knee injury which relegated me to a wheelchair that pushed me to the edge.
I was aware I had low self-esteem, especially so after getting hit by one chronic medical condition after another. I always felt I was an inferior human being, and that I was nothing but a burden. Considering how 2019 was also the year I exhausted my hospitalization and medical leave and had to eventually go on unpaid leave, my self-esteem took a nosedive.
With my brain on overdrive with self-deprecating thoughts, I decided to review my Instagram Stories archive.
And… holy shit.
I even scrolled far back as 2017. At that point, I knew exactly why I can count at least 5 friends who have either unfollowed me on Instagram or muted me. (I’m that active on Instagram that it’s obvious to me when engagement from certain people have dropped to 0, haha!)
I was posting all those?!?!
I just wanted to dig a hole and hide myself in it.
Find Me
