Hello, I blog!
I share all my sporadic and toilet thoughts in here, because I am random like that.
On unsolicited medical advice.
What is it about illness that opens a person up as a free-for-all repository of the worst, most condescending advice imaginable?
Unsolicited Medical Advice – Nothing about Everything
One word – no. I’ll stop you before you even start.
I’ve stopped talking to people about my health (apart from a trusted 1-2 closest friends) precisely because of this reason. Because everyone seems to want to have a say.
“I think you should change your doctor, I don’t think your current doctor is doing a good job.”
“Why don’t you opt for something more natural? Like Traditional Chinese Medicine.”
“You should seek a third opinion. Your current medications are too expensive.”
“You should take more vitamin A/B/C/D/E (or whatsoever).”
No. I did not ask you for your advice. And no, I don’t think you’re in the position to judge that “my doctor is not doing a good job” or “my medications are not right for me”. Neither should you be dishing out advice when you do not have the full picture. (Which you definitely don’t – I’ve kept 90% of the ‘picture’ hidden. The remaining 10% are the occasional symptoms you see.)
I speak for myself and most chronically ill people out there. I understand your intentions are good/you want to help. But really, no thank you.
Instead, this is what I ask for.
Trust that my doctor and I are allies, that we are working together towards the best possible way to fight this monster that is my illness(es). My doctor is doing his best. So am I.
Just because I am not in what you think is the “optimum state of health” does not mean that my doctor is not doing a good job. We are doing the best we can. It’s challenging to restore a car that has been in a bad accident to it’s original state of glory. Likewise for humans.
I accept my current state of health now (although you might disagree) because it’s already several times better than how it was before – when I was going in and out of hospital every week or even every night.
The road to recovery is not always smooth. There will be hiccups.
Trust in the fact that I am perfectly capable to manage my own health and make sound decisions.
Realize the reason why I am rejecting all forms of unsolicited medical advice is because I’ve been with this long enough to understand myself and my own body, and that I know my own medical history best, and what my current health can and cannot tolerate. (Not because I am stubborn or close-minded, as some people put it. On top of the fact that you’re sticking your nose up somewhere it doesn’t belong.)
There are many other ways to help without walking down the unsolicited medical advice route (which trust me, pisses the person off more than “helping”). Supportive messages when things aren’t going too great is good enough. And even if you’re silent when we’re seated face to face, I’ll still know you’re with me.
Thank you.
It makes me feel like you think this is somehow still my fault. Like, if I really wanted to get better, I would just do the random thing you were telling me about, because obviously that’s what you would do in my situation and then you would get better and then you wouldn’t have this issue. But that’s not reality.
All your unsolicited medical advice totally cured me! (J/k) – The Only Certainty Is Bad Grammar
My painful invisible disease is more real than your imaginary medical expertise.
Unsolicited Medical Advice – Unsolicited Medical Advice Warriors
Everyone is special in their own way
In the midst of my health insurance application right now and I can’t help but feel a little marginalized. And I’m pretty sure anyone out there with any form of medical history would be feeling the same way too.
In fact, some form of marginalization will definitely occur if you’re anywhere less than in perfect health, insurance or otherwise. I still clearly remember my part time waitressing stint at Swensen’s in 2005, when my manager grumbled aloud about how he sent one of my floor-mates back because she was feeling giddy (which was a nice gesture actually) which was then followed by “Can’t stand this kind of sick people. So useless and a waste of time only!”
That was then I promised myself that I’d never fall sick because this kind of managers are pretty much everywhere.
The point that ‘one should not be a sickie’ was further hammered in when I filled in my internship application for a local airline company in 2007, which asked for a medical history so detailed I felt I was applying to be in the police force instead of a lowly IT intern. (Thankfully, my medical history was still close to zero then.)
Then, 2008 happened and I had to adjust to what I coined as my ‘new normal’.
Subsequently, 2010 happened and I had to re-adjust to yet another ‘new normal’.
I was beginning to fear for my future, especially in a productivity-centric society. Surely, every company would only want to hire a healthy employee who can work her days off with as little sick leave as possible.
Thankfully, the only form of marginalization I’m facing so far is insurance. In all other aspects, all I can say is that I must be a really lucky person to be surrounded with the people I’m with now.
I’m really grateful and indebted to the people who gave me a chance to prove myself despite the occasional flare-ups due to my compromised immune system. I believe I brought this up to you guys in person before but I was told ‘not to be silly’. (; Thanks to you, I managed to reach a point where I feel self-actualized in almost every single aspect of my life.
To those out there living with chronic illnesses, keep your chin up and stay awesome.
“I was very grateful to have heard it again. Because I guess we all forget sometimes.
And I think everyone is special in their own way. I really do.”– Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower
Wake-up call
So it happened again; my health taking a tumble.
And this time, I know for sure it’s all my doing. Knowing fully well that I have several background health conditions that could flare up anytime, I still pushed myself too hard. Still the overworker/overachiever I am, it seems.
Being admitted to hospital late last month for chest pains and breathlessness was the first scare. Followed by a really bad sinus infection (acquired from getting caught in the rain in Kuala Lumpur a couple of weekends ago) … which lasted until now without showing any signs of clearing.
I don’t know what it is in my personality that constantly makes me push myself beyond my limits when it comes to work. The continuous voluntary overtime, and constant urge to work, the constant need to want to get things done (and perfect). It’s like as if I want to achieve something. But when I try to think about exactly what I’m trying to achieve, I draw a blank. Well, apart from the success of the company and our product (which is a common goal).
I guess it’s just an inherent thing.
But it’s something I’d better suppress soon before I end up destroying myself.
I swear I’ll stop taking my health for granted. It took me years to claw myself out of that huge health rut in 2008/2009 (things went completely downhill during that period), and I don’t wish to undo those efforts.
Once I recover, I want to;
1. Lift weights
2. Explore the outdoors and breathe in more fresh air
3. Start cycling again
4. Do overtime only when necessary (and manage my time better)
Making lists is easy, keeping to it is hard. I’ll just try my best and see how I fare.
Until then – get well soon, me. (I’m sick and tired of sitting around at home and doing nothing. My brain needs to stay stimulated.)
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