Hello, I blog!
I share all my sporadic and toilet thoughts in here, because I am random like that.
I should be a guy!
Me, talking about the importance of self-dependence during travel rather than following a packaged tour (which plans everything for you wthout you having to lift a finger).
“Somehow, travelling free-and-easy will help you learn more about a place, and learn to find your way around. Sooner, you’d realize that you can go almost anyplace without having to rely on guide books.
Back then when I travelled to Hong Kong on a group-tour, they brought us round and round until I got dizzy and didn’t know where the heck I was! Whereas when I went back to Hong Kong later on with my friends, I managed to get myself up and around in a matter of two days!” – Me.
Well, that was supposedly the original topic of conversation. But you know. With me, things can suddenly take on a twist.
Ter – “You have an amazing sense of direction for a girl. I thought that was a guy thing.”
Me – “See, I told you. I’m a guy trapped in a girl’s body.”
Ter – “…”
Me – “When I became an embryo in my mother’s womb, the stupid Y-chromosome decided to mutate and become an X.”
Ter – “…”
Me – “I have mutated sex chromosomes!”
Ter – “…”
Yeah, I am still onto that whole I should have been born a guy conspiracy thing.
Dreams that made me go W-T-F.
My imagination seems to be going on constant overdrive mid-sleep the past few nights, and end up waking the next morning feeling as if I’ve been teleported to some wacky land overnight.
Rewind two nights ago.
Grace and I were holidaying in Hong Kong. (Well, this vacation did happen, but it was way back in January last year.) We were at Tung Chung, and we wanted to head to Ngong Ping. The only way to get there was through an undersea bridge/walkway because Ngong Ping was several hundred feet below sea level.
Now, this totally does not make sense. Because in reality, Ngong Ping is a highland area and the way to get there is via a cable car.
Now, you see why I’m so bewildered.
It doesn’t stop there. Grace and I proceeded to Ngong Ping via the undersea walkway when a glass window suddenly flew open (now, undersea walkways don’t have windows that can open, do they?) and the entire walkway began filling up with water very quickly.
So, we quickly detoured and ran up flight after flight of stairs struggling to head back to the ground level of Tung Chung. We emerged drenched from bottom down, but okay.
Then I woke up, thinking “W-T-F?”
Rewind to last night.
I was given this tiny device. Think a toy aeroplane which you can sit on. (Not in. On. Apparently, you sit on top of it with your legs dangling over the wings.) There is also this black lever which controls the direction the plane flies.
So, I sat on it, pressed some button and off I went. I flew around buildings, I chased birds, and basically made everyone on ground level look up at me in admiration. (It was low-altitude flying, by the way. Like, maximum 100 metres above street level?)
Then, I heard a whistle blow. I looked down and saw this policeman chasing after me on the road and catching up. (Look now, since when can a policeman on foot out-run a plane?!)
Eventually, I was shouted at for flying without a pilot’s license.
Then, I was awoken by my ringing alarm clock. And when I smacked it shut and yelled “WHAT THE HECK?” – the exasperation wasn’t actually directed at the alarm clock for the first time.
Honestly, can I have normal dreams tonight, pleeeease?
Corruption of the little minds
Here’s me recounting one of them’ hilarious scenarios (or rather, an example of how us older’ folk are comparatively um … less innocent than the little kiddos) from last week’s trip with the extended family.
It was me and two teenage cousins lazing around on the bed watching Youtube videos on my laptop, when we chanced upon a parody of Black Eyed Peas’ “I gotta’ feeling” (which also happens to be my favourite parody of all time) retitled “I’m a Korean”.
You can take a sneak peek at the video here. It’s utterly hilarious, I kid you not.
(Disclaimer: I highly doubt the video creator meant any offense against Koreans, neither do I. The video was made by its rightly creator for the sake of humour, not to stir shit or whatsoever.)
Apparently, in that video, there were several lines that sparked peals of laughter among the cousins and myself.
Quote 1:
I have a missile
It’s very small
It’s in my pants
I can’t get it up!
Honestly, I’ve watched the video many times before and never made the connection between the above and the male organ. Until one of my teenage cousins began laughing at that point which was when I finally made the connection (and was astounded at how much the 14-year old girl cousin knew).
Quote 2:
I think Michael Jackson’s a good guy
I don’t mind if he sleeps with young guys
Because in my country
we can touch young guys on their p***s.
This was the part that led to loud eruptions of laughter, along with repetitions of the very last line, along with that censored p-word.
It was only seconds later when we suddenly fell silent because we had completely forgotten that 7-year old Nicole, along with 3-year old Rachel were sitting just right beside us. (And the video, if subjected to the stringent checks movies undergo, will quite possibly be rated at least M18.)
There was an uncomfortable silence for a while, before the dreaded question came.
Nicole blinked once, twice, looked at us with a completely innocent, blur expression and asked, “Gor gor (Mandarin for ‘big brother’), jie jies (Mandarin for ‘big sisters’), what is a penis?”
We remained silent, and simply exchanged helpless glances. We really did not know how to answer her.
The youngest of my teenage cousins eventually responded sheepishly, “well, you’re too young to know!”
Later that night, all of us were blasted (albeit, jokingly) by the oldest cousin, who happened to be the father of both Nicole and Rachel.
“WHAT HAVE YOU ALL BEEN TEACHING MY DAUGHTERS?” the oldest cousin demanded. The two teenage cousins concerned and myself simply gave him a dazed look, trying our darnest best to look as innocent as possible.
“What have you been telling them, man?” he questioned again. “Why did my two daughters suddenly come up to me just now and asked me what is a penis?”
That was when we erupted into peals of laughter again for the second time that day.
Little Nicole at that moment, decided to show of her newly acquired knowledge.
“I know! I know what a penis is!”
We looked at her.
“CUCKOO BIRD!”
Ohmygoodnessgolly.
Oh, and earlier that afternoon, the same couple of teenage cousins were rattling on and on about um … erections and stuff. And they are only … what? Fourteen? And the other is twelve.
Gee, they do start sexuality education reeeeeeally early these days.
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