A best girlfriend has summarized what I generally feel about humankind oh so beautifully in her blog.
life is unfair, and that is personally a huge problem area, as i, for the life of me, cannot stand injustice – and day after day, i see things, hear things and read things which enrage me. things showcasing the hard fact that people are cruel, selfish, inconsiderate and evil, that they love stereotyping, gossiping, slandering, elevating themselves and putting others down; that people continuously repay good with evil and i remember asking c. in tears and consternation, “how can people be like that? why are people like that?” and i repeatedly asked where human decency was. (source)
I too, find myself asking the same question time and time again.
Even though I’ve long accepted the fact several years ago that the human race is doomed, I still find myself getting shell-shocked (which later leads to extreme fury) at the many injustices that human beings do to one another.
The prevalence of the internet only makes it all worse. The cloak of anonymity further releases one’s inhibitions, leading human beings to do further wrongs to one another without fear of reparation – although that is a separate issue altogether.
It was only today I discovered that – while I always thought I was a realist – there are several aspects in which I am more of an idealist than a realist. Human behaviour is one of these aspects.
Then again, who am I to judge? I have been dealt with much shit from some people around (which too, made me yell “why the fuck are people like that?”). But likewise, I have also been dishing out my fair amount of shit to other people. So all’s fair and square I guess. For now.
I still cling on to the hope that somehow, someday things may change.
That people will act with more consideration for other people, to pay more attention to others’ feelings, to learn to see things from other peoples’ point of view, to think more logically than emotionally, and for people to be more aware of what they are doing (perceptual salience of oneself leads to one’s conscious attempt to portray oneself more favourably).
But yeah, too lofty hopes up there.
Meanwhile, I’ll just live my own life and not let any of the shit get me down, or get in my way. When it comes to creating my own happiness, I will have to take charge – because the world is too screwed up to derive happiness from any other source. Not to mention how I have awesome friends for support. (And them, likewise!)
Slowly but surely, I am getting my old self back.
Suddenly, having to live with chronic illnesses doesn’t seem so bad anymore. It depends on the way I look at things, I guess. I admit – it was too much for me to deal with and I plummeted head first, sinking deeper and deeper (particularly towards the end of last year and the beginning of this year) until some friends decided enough was enough and yanked me out of the mess before I self-destructed.
That was about a month ago.
Since then, the end of March and the beginning of April has been considerably brighter. The bounce is back in my step, and I have regained my enthusiasm for … almost everything I used to be enthusiastic about. (For lack of a better way to phrase things. Hur.)
I may not have control over my illnesses, I still have full control of my own emotions, and I cannot let the illness get the better of me and take over.
Looking back, I realized I had let it take over way too much. Granted, it was tough, having health issues/relapses hit me at the back of my head one after another when I’ve barely crawled out of the previous one, not to mention the discrimination I had to occasionally face. At first I was bouncing back the way I usually did, until the energy eventually fizzled out and I just gave up.
It’s been two years. If I don’t come to terms with the fact the doctors visits, tests and whatnots have become a part of my life by now – gee, it’d be an epic fail on my part, man.
Well, I can safely say now that I’ve accepted that fact.
And I’m ready to live life in spite of it.
Life goes on; there are fun activities to engage myself in, places to explore, and sights and scenes to view, capture and keep in memory. Plus, I have awesome people surrounding me all the time who keep me laughing.
One closest friend says that I almost am back to my old self pre-2008, which made me really happy as it is a clear validation of my success at getting back on my feet.
To the friends who have stood by me despite it all, and having to cope with my negative personality ‘transformation’, rant-iness and irritability, thanks for being there even though I wasn’t exactly good company the past year or so.
To the blog readers who are still reading despite me dishing out stream after stream of blog posts complaining about almost every single darn’d thing, major salute to you guys. Likewise, thanks for sticking around during the difficult times (and standing up for me when I get bullied, heh).
I look up to the sky and now the world is mine
I’ve known it all my life; I made it, I made it.
(Kevin Rudolf – I Made It)
I may be a sick kiddo, but so what? I have awesome doctors taking care of me, friends who stand by me, parents who show support in every way they can. Plus, I have myself back – almost – and I’m ready to kick the ass of anything else life decides to deal me with.
Booyah!
Meanwhile – but unrelated – I am seriously itching to get some DDR action at the moment but it’s past midnight and the last thing I want to do is to annoy the neighbours downstairs or put a dampener on their err … night time activities.
If I want to relive any part of my life, all I have to do is to play its song.
I don’t know about everyone else, but almost every aspect of my life is defined by a particular song. Be it an event, a phase of life or a vacation. All I have to do is to play the song, and it brings back the atmosphere and the memories.
How does a song become the ‘theme song’ of a particular phase of my life?
Well, it could be that the song was ubiquitous at that point in time. It could also be a song that was playing over and over in my head throughout the period, or a song that I just happened to hear before the event took place and it somehow stuck. Otherwise, it could be particularly poignant or memorable catch-phrases in the song which fitted the event.
Every vacation I take with my parents, friends or relatives has its own ‘theme song’, which really helps when I crave for another holiday. When I feel particularly reminiscent, I’ll play the song, sit back and daydream … and suddenly, I’ll find myself back at the place again.
Almost every song on my playlist has an event attached to it.
Meanwhile, lemme’ share some of my favourite songs over the years, and the various life events they were attached to.
(Warning, long entry up ahead!)
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