Hello, I blog!

Was just reading an article today about an entrepreneur whom in an interview, mentioned he only needed 4 hours of sleep at night because there’s so much to do.

Not linking to that article because that would personally identify said entrepreneur (whose success story and company happens to be one I respect a lot).

My response to that article was to grit my teeth down and think “so young, so foolish.”

With all due respect to entrepreneurs, there need to be fewer articles sensationalizing about how people survive without sleep (or on very little sleep) to achieve success, like as if it’s a badge of pride or something.

I used to be that foolish person. I stayed awake for 48 hours on several occasions back in my heyday – whether to complete projects as a student or to hit a deadline. And then boast happily about it as if I’m so proud of that fact.

Then again, I was a young person who had my life ahead of me. Or so I thought.

5 years and several illnesses later, this late twenty-something has realized that health is not something that is a given. It is a privilege that can be taken away anytime.

And I’m struggling to get it back. Struggling, because what I have now is irreversible and life is now pretty much a “fight to live normally”.

I no longer consider myself an entrepreneur, even though I’m in the founding team of a startup company. My priorities have completely shifted and my health has taken centrestage. You would say that all the fire has gone out of me, and I wouldn’t disagree with you.

Then again, I’m in an extreme situation so I cannot help tutting when reading about how people put their health on the line just to achieve success. Like heyyy, you guys still have your health. Can you please take better care of it?

Youth does not make one immune to the shit that can happen if you take health for granted.

I know everyone defines success differently and for some, their business/work is their life (like it used to be for me). But nothing is worth throwing your health away for.

Please don’t learn the hard way like me, yeah.

/End of my Saturday night random thoughts.

———–

This blog has really bad continuity, I know. It’s September now – 6 months since my last post and unfortunately, 2015 is pretty much like 2014 – defined by the same health struggle, multiple hospitalizations and less than 50% attendance in the office.

I have so many insecurities now, but I’ll save that for a different post on a different day. If I get round to it, that is.

Typing is actually painful so I guess I’ll stop here.

Good night, folks.

After more than 4 months of non-stop battling and being away from work for more than 2, I’ve come to several realizations.

I am generally someone who is used to setting schedules. Complete task A by next week, achieve task B in 2 days. That sort of thing. I like milestones. It’s just my programmer’s/management instincts at work. Progress has to be in the form of something trackable so I feel more encouraged.

But apparently, you can’t force a schedule on your body’s recovery.

I’ve aimed to “get well by June”. Didn’t work. “Okay, two more weeks to settle things.” Didn’t work either. “Okay, I give it until end of July.” Nope, nope, nope. The fever continued and I got more and more frustrated.

Eventually, I decided to let my body set its own pace. And I put myself into zen mode. Stop forcing my body, stop overthinking, overanalyzing. Just do what I need to do to help – complete rest, lots of water, meds.

Instead. I set schedules on my action plans. If I don’t feel better in 5 days, do X. If minimal improvement in 2 weeks, do Y.

X and Y may or may not help. Usually it doesn’t. But at least, it’s some semblance of control. This whole thing was seemingly out of my control and I didn’t like it.

Not giving up, and looking forward to better days.