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Hello, I blog!

I write with no particular theme in mind, because I am random like that.

Dec
02 2010

I am such a murderer

As soon as the creature set its beady eyes on me, I knew I had to get rid of it.

Getting my stuff out of harm’s way, I mad a mad scramble to my room and grabbed what I knew was the most toxic weapon I could find. Grasping the canister (filled with said toxic weapon), I blasted the creature with all my might.

The creature panicked and ran as fast as its little legs could carry it. Unfortunately, it was too slow for its pursuer. A provoked Brenda is an angry Brenda. And once she decides she wants to get rid of you, escape is almost futile.

The creature scurried under the toilet cistern in a desperate attempt to hide, while I continued to blast the (two) openings to its hideout with my toxic weapon. The air in the tiny bathroom was beginning to reek from the stench of said weapon, but I didn’t care. I just wanted the creature dead, now.

Sensing how I was slightly distracted at one moment, the creature made an attempt to escape – by climbing on top of the toilet pump. A movable object. How smart.

I picked up the pump (with said creature on it) and dunked it into the shower. Following which, I grabbed the shower hose, turned it to full water force and rained it on top of said creature.

Well, well, well. Any attempts to escape will most definitely fail now, as a small creature most probably can’t fight against a shower hose at full blast.

With its little legs flailing wildly against the force of the water, the little lizard breathed its last breath as it was washed down the drainage system.

I stood in the middle of the bathroom, grinning a little too manically to be considered normal, before I blew lightly at my weapon(s) – the shower hose and the canister of pesticide – like a superhero would do to his gun.

Nothing. Absolutely nothing should come along and disturb me when I am in the midst of one of life’s simplest pleasures.

Especially. When. I. Am. In. The. Midst. Of. Taking. A. Dump.

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5 Comments

  • 03 Dec 2010
    7:18 PM

    Maria Celina

    One of my most favourite entries. Ever. <3

    • 05 Dec 2010
      1:57 AM

      brendalogy

      Yay! (; I’m guessing you’re one of those who treasures every moment spent in the bathroom too, non?

  • 05 Dec 2010
    12:52 AM

    Vera

    I was going to say you should have spared the poor devil (I’m deathly afraid of insects)… but I agree that I would have definitely freaked out if I had seen a lizard in the bathroom while… taking care of some business. :P

    RIP lil fellow … I’m such a hypocrite. :P

    • 05 Dec 2010
      1:58 AM

      brendalogy

      I’m pretty sure that little fellow won’t really be resting in peace. -Inserts evil laughter- (;

      • 05 Dec 2010
        1:59 AM

        Vera

        You’re a scaaaaaary person my dear Brenda. :o

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