Slowly but surely, I am getting my old self back.
Suddenly, having to live with chronic illnesses doesn’t seem so bad anymore. It depends on the way I look at things, I guess. I admit – it was too much for me to deal with and I plummeted head first, sinking deeper and deeper (particularly towards the end of last year and the beginning of this year) until some friends decided enough was enough and yanked me out of the mess before I self-destructed.
That was about a month ago.
Since then, the end of March and the beginning of April has been considerably brighter. The bounce is back in my step, and I have regained my enthusiasm for … almost everything I used to be enthusiastic about. (For lack of a better way to phrase things. Hur.)
I may not have control over my illnesses, I still have full control of my own emotions, and I cannot let the illness get the better of me and take over.
Looking back, I realized I had let it take over way too much. Granted, it was tough, having health issues/relapses hit me at the back of my head one after another when I’ve barely crawled out of the previous one, not to mention the discrimination I had to occasionally face. At first I was bouncing back the way I usually did, until the energy eventually fizzled out and I just gave up.
It’s been two years. If I don’t come to terms with the fact the doctors visits, tests and whatnots have become a part of my life by now – gee, it’d be an epic fail on my part, man.
Well, I can safely say now that I’ve accepted that fact.
And I’m ready to live life in spite of it.
Life goes on; there are fun activities to engage myself in, places to explore, and sights and scenes to view, capture and keep in memory. Plus, I have awesome people surrounding me all the time who keep me laughing.
One closest friend says that I almost am back to my old self pre-2008, which made me really happy as it is a clear validation of my success at getting back on my feet.
To the friends who have stood by me despite it all, and having to cope with my negative personality ‘transformation’, rant-iness and irritability, thanks for being there even though I wasn’t exactly good company the past year or so.
To the blog readers who are still reading despite me dishing out stream after stream of blog posts complaining about almost every single darn’d thing, major salute to you guys. Likewise, thanks for sticking around during the difficult times (and standing up for me when I get bullied, heh).
I look up to the sky and now the world is mine
I’ve known it all my life; I made it, I made it.
(Kevin Rudolf – I Made It)
I may be a sick kiddo, but so what? I have awesome doctors taking care of me, friends who stand by me, parents who show support in every way they can. Plus, I have myself back – almost – and I’m ready to kick the ass of anything else life decides to deal me with.
Booyah!
Meanwhile – but unrelated – I am seriously itching to get some DDR action at the moment but it’s past midnight and the last thing I want to do is to annoy the neighbours downstairs or put a dampener on their err … night time activities.
Damn, I never did realize how much I could actually miss her.
Prof walked into the office yesterday. (I work in a business facility in the basement of my alma mater’s campus.)
I heard her before I actually got to see her (because she and my co-worker boss – also an ex-student – exchanged greetings). I whirled around upon hearing that all too familiar voice, and it took me about five seconds before I actually recognized her.
Gosh, does she look different!
It’s about a year since I took her course in my final semester. She taught Asia Pacific Business, which concentrates on the latest business developments and trends in Asia – in particular, the recent boom in integrated resorts in Macau and Singapore. A really tough course, but rather interesting.
Demanding as she was, I do sense a fair amount of motherly-like love and concern from her. Especially during the 4 day, 3 night class trip to Macau when my heart condition acted up suddenly and I had to be flown back to Singapore as a precautionary measure. Troublesome as it was, she always ensured that there was someone with me. Plus, she constantly asked me how I was feeling, which was really appreciated.
I can still vividly recall having to sign a pseudo-indemnity ‘form’ upon my departure back to Singapore. (I flew back on my own eventually because I didn’t wanted to trouble the TAs or her.)
There was no actual indemnity form for such a case, so she had a hand-write one on the spot. In the middle of the streets of Macau no less, while the TAs and myself stood around and laughed at the situation.
Even after the final exams ended, she met my project group members and myself for a one-hour long chat where she asked us about our future plans, and even invited us to join her on the subsequent BSMs she was organizing.
I haven’t seen her since then … until yesterday.
She is still as open as she used to be – always available to hang out with her students and talk nineteen to the dozen. She stood around our (my co-worker boss and me) cubicles and chatted with us for almost fifteen minutes, updating us on her recent happenings and asking us about ours. Prior to her departure, she invited us for lunch one day so that we could all catch up.
It felt like last year all over again. A strange, warm and fuzzy feeling … minus the project deadlines and stress.
Strangely, I don’t recall the rest of my coursemates feeling the same way as I do about Prof. During that semester, it was complaints galore – from gender bias, students not knowing her requirements, occasionally contradicting herself, tough projects and yadda yadda.
I admit, I was one of those students who went along with the ‘not knowing her requirements’ complaint, because she does have pretty high expectations which she doesn’t really communicate fully. (Which come to think of it – is good for us. It challenges us to do the best we can since after all, we won’t be spoon-fed once we leave school to work, don’t we?)
During that semester, I remembered deeming Asia Pacific Business as one of my most ‘dangerous’ courses because my grades could swing anywhere. I can work my arse off on a project and still get less than a ‘B’. Frustrating as the grades aspect was, I cannot deny that it was one of the more interesting courses I’ve taken.
Since graduating, I kind of missed her.
Well, it’s kind of easy when you’re no longer a student – people would say. But even as a student in her course back then, my impressions of her were at least neutral.
She is a professor that is extremely passionate when she speaks, and you can tell she really knows her stuff. It helped a lot that she organized loads of industry talks, which wasn’t easy as it required loads of logistics and um, persuasion. (It takes a lot to get the CEO of some bigshot company to come down to speak to a bunch of students!)
Yet, she managed to pull it off. Unfortunately, without much credit from her students. But still.
Not to mention the logistics for the field trip – ensuring all the students got their flights, booking of hotel rooms, arranging tours and talks with the various integrated resorts in Macau. That, on top of her attempts at psyching the students up for the trip in the weeks preceding it.
Plus, I miss how she addresses her students as ‘peeps’ and ‘folks’ during class time.
Kudos to the (possibly the most misunderstood) professor.
And I look forward to the next time we get to meet. I can’t wait to hold an animated discussion about Resorts World Sentosa (which opened last month) with her.
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