Was scrolling through Facebook the other day and learned that my favourite cafe just down the road will be shutting down.
Damn, another one bites the dust.
I have had fond memories at that cafe. I brought nearly all my friends there because their coffee is amazing. And there was this cozy, neighbourhood-ly vibe which I haven’t really experienced elsewhere.
The cafe owner himself – also the chief barista – was so incredibly passionate about his coffee he could advise on every single thing – from beans, grind settings, and other coffee paraphernalia. I can still remember him telling me that you don’t need expensive gadgets to make good coffee, ie. he uses a $2 filter from Daiso to make his own filter coffee at home and it is nowhere less legit than a V60 set-up.
It’s hard to survive primarily as a coffee place in Singapore, and I could see multiple experimentation going on over the years. Pastries from his friend’s sister – who happens to be an amazing baker – made an appearance. (Gula melaka ondeh-ondeh cake, mmmm!) There was a daily special cake that changes every day, jokingly coined the “under-table cake” because it was usually hidden from view and you had to ask what it was. Simple brunch food such as pancakes made an appearance. A gelato ice box appeared a couple of years back, but disappeared soon after.
Maybe he did too good a job, because I got swayed into making my own coffee at home more that I started patronizing his cafe less and less. In fact, the last time I stepped in there was a good 8 months ago. And it was to buy coffee beans.
And even then, he was still so incredibly helpful, grinding the beans for me in his cafe and even recommending grind sizes (more fine) based on the device I was using (aeropress) and my general coffee preference (using the aeropress to make espresso shots for lattés, and I like my lattés strong).
BLACK&INK, you will be terribly missed.
Yesterday, one of my besties abruptly announced her plans to start a family. I was surprised, as she has always been anti-children like I was.
Turns out, it was because her husband wanted them.
I was pretty shaken for the rest of the day. And honestly, worried for her.
Isn’t the topic of children something people discuss before marriage? Or is it just me thinking too far ahead? Considering that it’s such a crucial topic that can make or break a relationship.
I personally prefer full disclosure right from the start; I brought this up as early as at 3 months (my anti-children sentiment is so strong I’d get sterilized right now if given the opportunity). As for my poor health, I talked about it from day 0.
I didn’t want to put my autoimmune disease into the picture because I started hating kids as early as when I was 12.
Although I must say, my health pretty much cemented the decision.
I was robbed of the bulk of my twenties by numerous health battles, leaving so many unfulfiled dreams and desires; Places to go, things I want to do or achieve. Presently, I already have very limited energy so everything has to move at a slow pace. And the fear of my health further deteriorating during the next 10-15 years is very real.
I’m just really really grateful for a partner who shares the same hopes and dreams as me, and accepts me the way I am.
People say I don’t need to justify such decisions to anyone except my partner, but fact remains that we live in a world where people don’t know how to mind their own business and mindlessly pile on the pressure.
But yeah, I’m just really worried now because one of my biggest fears – misalignment leading to having to make crucial life-changing “choices”, possibly against your own will – is happening to my best friend.
The only thing I could do was to mask my worries under a feeble “can you travel with me before you pop, please?”
When I came back from Vancouver last month, emotionally refreshed (despite physically maxed out), I was vehemantly telling myself that I should never become jaded again.
Not by shitty happenings.
And especially not by people.
Don’t become jaded. Don’t become jaded. Don’t become jaded.
Never let anyone dull your sparkle.
Don’t let anyone (or anything) get you down.
You cannot control people or happenings but you can control how you perceive it.
Yadda, yadda, yadda.
Maybe it was the exhilaration of having just accomplished a solo trip. Of being away for twelve days in a completely new environment, another country.
You gain new perspectives, and you shift into a more positive frame of mind.
But less than three weeks after returning, I find myself slinking back into the same old, same old mindset.
Maybe it’s the constant pain in my joints that is getting me down (which got significantly worse last weekend).
Now it’s back to “fuck this shit” and “bah, humbug” all over again.
Not emotionally healthy at all; And emotional health is pretty much the only semblence of “health” I have left right now and still I’m not even guarding it well.