[Written at 1.50 P.M. (19th May) Singapore time, 10:50 P.M. (18th May) Vancouver time.]
The nice thing about travelling with my extremely crazed, wacky relatives is that something funny/odd/downright ridiculous happens almost every hour. (This almost makes up for the way they drive me up the wall the rest of the time. Hur.)
Scenario 1: The car seat murderer
Younger cousin David attempts to re-adjust the seat of my grandma in the MPV we rented for our long drive to Seattle. He had previously reclined the seat too low to the point where my grandma was beginning to have a backache.
Unfortunately, the seat was tricky to maneuver and my cousin had quite a bit of struggle.
“Pull! Pull, David! Pull!” my aunts were egging him on.
“This is too difficu-” David gave too hard a yank at the moment and the entire seat lurched forward … and managed to whack my poor, unsuspecting grandma at the back of her head.
The entire group gasps, and my grandma utters her trademark phrase.
“KIA SI NANG!”
(*Kia si nang – Singaporean slang to express outrage or shock.)
Scenario 2: We had some nice butts for dinner
Aunt Olive, David and I were comparing what we had for dinner, and Aunt Olive was talking about how the halibut was much better than the ribeye. Only that she mispronounced ‘halibut’ slightly, turning it into ‘hali-butt’.
Aunt – “The hali-butt tasted nicer than the steak!”
Me – “The what?!”
Aunt – “Hali-butt?!”
Me – “Why not just call it ‘hairy butt’ and finish with it?”
So my aunt had some pretty tasty butts for dinner. Hmm, I wonder whose.
Scenario 3: Unintentional child abandonment
On the way back to the hotel, my group of relatives ran into a group of my aunt’s friends. Sensing a potential long conversation ahead (and seeing how both of us were laden with heavy bags), younger cousin David and I decide to park our arses on a nearby couch to wait.
Only that we both ended up falling asleep and I was abruptly shaken awake half an hour later by David telling me frantically that everyone is gone. Apparently, the adults had completed their conversation, completely forgot about us and simply returned to the rooms.
The worst part? Neither David nor I had the keys to enter our rooms.
After sitting around and stoning for quite a but, we both came up with the perfect solution – which was to continue sleeping on the couch. o.O
Our theory was that they’d realize that we’re missing sooner nor later and would come back for us. Plus, we’re both pretty drained from the day’s events so that was the best way to conserve energy and get out of our current predicament, we felt.
Sure enough, Aunt Olive came back for us less than ten minutes later – apologizing profusely. (But looking more amused than guilty. Tsk, really.)
Scenario 4: The unfortunate need to share bathrooms.
Overheard while I was still semi-asleep this morning. Someone was already using the bathroom in my hotel room (with the door locked) but my mum desperately needed the toilet fast – so she walked into the adjoining room (which belongs to my Uncle Daniel, Aunt Olive and the younger cousin David) and requested to use their bathroom in the queerest of ways.
Mum – Olive, does your son need to bathe?
Aunt Olive – No, he doesn’t bathe in the mornings. He only needs to change.
Mum – Okay, good good. Is he naked?
(Me thinking “Whaaaaaaaat?” in my sleep. But later managed to put two and two together and realized that David was probably in the bathroom at that time. But because the bathroom was so madass big with two sinks – and an additional private toilet with a door – we could usually do our stuff alongside one another.)
Aunt Olive – Uh, well … he IS changing in the toilet.
For the record, my mum spilled some coffee and wanted to wash her hands. She is not some child-peeping pedophile or anything of the sort. (;