Whee! Doing a stunt!

Hello, I blog!

I write with no particular theme in mind, because I am random like that.

Sep
11 2014

12:07 PM

Health

0 comments

My need for a sense of control

After more than 4 months of non-stop battling and being away from work for more than 2, I’ve come to several realizations.

I am generally someone who is used to setting schedules. Complete task A by next week, achieve task B in 2 days. That sort of thing. I like milestones. It’s just my programmer’s/management instincts at work. Progress has to be in the form of something trackable so I feel more encouraged.

But apparently, you can’t force a schedule on your body’s recovery.

I’ve aimed to “get well by June”. Didn’t work. “Okay, two more weeks to settle things.” Didn’t work either. “Okay, I give it until end of July.” Nope, nope, nope. The fever continued and I got more and more frustrated.

Eventually, I decided to let my body set its own pace. And I put myself into zen mode. Stop forcing my body, stop overthinking, overanalyzing. Just do what I need to do to help – complete rest, lots of water, meds.

Instead. I set schedules on my action plans. If I don’t feel better in 5 days, do X. If minimal improvement in 2 weeks, do Y.

X and Y may or may not help. Usually it doesn’t. But at least, it’s some semblance of control. This whole thing was seemingly out of my control and I didn’t like it.

Not giving up, and looking forward to better days.

Sep
06 2014

Quote: Courage

Courage is not something you already have that makes you brave when the tough times start. Courage is what you earn when you’ve been through the tough times and you discover they aren’t so tough after all.
- David & Goliath by Malcolm Gladwell

Jul
08 2014

12:05 AM

Health

2 comments

Still trying to look on the brighter side of things

Though it’s getting a little harder, considering how it’s been 2 months and counting.

I’m pretty much home-ridden now. And no matter how I had sought to make my room my ‘ultimate hang out spot’ much earlier this year, I realized it’s possible to get absolutely sick of it.

Work kept me going for a while, until I found it difficult to navigate stairs. After 3 close-to-passing-out moments in and around the office, I made the difficult decision to work from home.

Many a time, I find myself missing my normal life.

Going to work every weekday like a regular person.

Having the freedom to just get out of the house to walk anywhere I want, whenever I want.

Having regular conversations with people that do not revolve around health and “eh, what happened to you?”.

I’m still trying to psych myself into thinking that there is a good side to all these. Like hey, you still CAN work (albeit from home). You have not lost your mental capacity to write amazing code. You’re still making a worthwhile contribution to society. (As for the mental capacity to think rationally, well … that’s rather debatable now.)

And the fact that mum and I are much, much closer than before. She’s been really supportive the past 2 months and a half, taking me out for drives when I whine about being too bored at home, spending all her free time with me in the hospital when I was admitted, stocking the house with ample supplies of isotonic drinks and uh, comfort food.

Not to mention how much I prefer to be alone right now and home is the perfect place for me to get all reclusive. (And I’m still pretty much ignoring all my texts as well – sorry, friends. Really. Don’t. Want. To. Talk. About. It.)

And that every day is a step closer to full recovery (I hope). I still feel like crap now but I guess I just have to be patient.

Page 1 of 6112345...Last
More Stuff